A children’s story about the effects of angry and the importance of opening and sharing feelings.
Yana the angry strawberry is always angry.
She is angry in the morning.
She is angry in the daytime. She is even angry in the evening.
Yana the angry strawberry is always angry.
Yana is angry around her family and she is always angry around her friends.
She is also angry when she all by herself. She is just a very angry strawberry.
When Yana doesn’t get what she wants she gets really angry.
And when Yana gets really angry, she gets really red and really hot!
Why is Yana always angry? Her mother asked.
Yana when you are angry in the morning, in the daytime and in the evening you have no time for anything else.
You have no time to play with your friends, you have no time to be with your family.
When you are angry all the time, none of the other strawberries want to be around you.
Yana the angry strawberry was so angry by what her mother said that she stormed off and went into the field by herself.
She was all alone with nobody to be angry at. So she began to think.
And she thought all day long.
At the end of the day she returned home and told her mom why she was so angry.
Yana then felt much better and was no longer known as Yana the Angry Strawberry.
The End
If you are reading this article I don’t even need to tell you the statistics related to public speaking. You already know that it is the number one fear even above the fear of dying. Why is this? Why can we overcome jumping out of plains or driving 100 mph but not conquer the small step going in front of not even two and a half people and one of them is our spouse? In the tone of Seinfeld, What is up with public speaking? We know how to speak and we know how to be in public but we can’t do both at the same time.
This fear of public speaking is one that paralyzes some to the point they cannot breath, see and sometimes hear what is going on around them. Some experience the fear so great that they will pass out or tremble to the point of nearly passing out. Those knees for some reason just can’t take people staring at them from a distance. So how do we make our knees strong, how to we put a leash on our out of control heart beat, our shaking hands and our trembling voice. Well the answer is simple … never ever again go in front of absolutely anybody to speak. Simple enough and my job is done. Thank you for reading and continue looking for my latest work, Spitting In the Soup: Famous Techniques of Adlerian Therapy.
Now honestly we know that this can never happen. We cannot remain in bondage by our emotions and fears. We have to find ways that work for us to overcome them. We are in control of our lives and not vice-a-versa. The following are some steps and suggestions that you can take in order to overcome the fear of the dreadful public speaking.
SEE THE REAL PICTURE
First of all it is important that we see circumstances realistically. If we allow our mind to blow things out of proportion then we have already lost the battle. So remember you are not going war or performing a life-threatening surgery, you are just talking in front of people. Big deal! You talk to people everyday and the only small difference is that there might be a few more than you are used to and that they are sitting facing you in a very intimidating position having their hands folded and their legs crossed and some may not even be paying attention. It’s really okay. Don’t let your thoughts distract you. Disregard the voice which suggests you must not be doing a good job because the audience doesn’t even having the decency to look at you while you are talking. Just because your audience isn’t making eye contact doesn’t mean they aren’t paying attention and just because some aren’t paying attention doesn’t mean you are boring. Well at least this is the theory.
BE INTRIGUING
If by chance you are boring, change something up or you will never conquer this fear. Nobody wants to waist their time listen to an unconfident drab. It is extremely mind-numbing to listen to a monotone voice. Quite frankly I have listen to some speakers whom have no other that an impressive gift of curing insomnia. Five minutes into the “whont, whont, whont”, I’m sound asleep. Just the tone and frequency of your voice will determine the attention level of your audience. Learn how to project your voice and control your pitch. If you doubt this to be true, observe child-adult interactions closely and you will notice the difference. People enjoy a calm, soothing, lower toned voice rather than a high pitch fast one. Use pictures, use PowerPoint’s, use some sort of illustrations if you have to. These techniques will actually assist you to gain your composure. If people are looking at your visual aids or the lights are off due to the use of technology then all eyes are not on you. Some will even begin with passing out a handout which not only helps the listener follow but diverts attention. Ice breaker activities also will have the same results and allow a nervous persona to adjust to being in front of a crowd. Perhaps even try changing the flow of your talk every 5-15 minutes depending on the length. Ones attention span is not like it used to be.
CONTROL YOUR BREATHING
The secrete in the art of public speaking is breathing. Well duh, hum. Now you are thinking, do I even need to read further. Of course the choice is up to you. And for those of you whom have continued on I truly feel for you because if you are still reading then this means that you are really struggling with this fear and have tried everything imaginable and have said, “Hey reading a few more pages can’t hurt”. Do you like so far how I have broken the flow of this piece to make it much more intriguing? We all know this “secret”, but for some reason we don’t practice it, why? For a lot of us we don’t know how to breathe. This is as I have already said an art. If you learn how to breathe properly and take in deep breaths and exhale through your nose you will get the needed oxygen to your brain which will help control most important your heart rate and also help with dry mouth and scratchy throat. By simply taking two deep breaths at the beginning of your speech can help you master this fear of choking in a literal sense. And remember even if you do choke, it’s not the end of the world. On a side note, if you do know that you suffer from dry mouth always have a bottle of water handy.
AVOID THE “WHAT IF” TRAP
You have to gain the confidence to overlook all of these “what if” scenarios. If you are obsessed with thinking about whether or not the audience thinks your jokes are funny or if they like you or if they think you said something stupid then you will never be able to give your attention to giving the best speech. You cannot worry about what if you trip walking up to the stage or what if you have something in your teeth, just keep trucking. When you are engaged in public speaking you have to only be worried about one person’s opinion and that is yours. You are not going to be so successful that you please 100% of the people at 100% of the time. Not even the greatest speakers of all time can accomplish this. So set realistic expectations for yourself. However this is not to say that you should go on a whim and not check for the broccoli between your teeth.
SET REALISTIC GOALS
Also keep in mind how much time you are given to speak so you can keep your pace. Know that if you have five points and that you have be given twenty-five minutes to present these points you need to take five minutes per point in order to get done on time. If you find yourself after fifteen minute being on your first point you should pick up the pace in order not to get nervous at the end of your time. If you have set realistic goals of how much you will be able to cover in a certain time frame then you will not feel overwhelmed and this will take of some pressure before hand. You cannot present your research findings of three years in three minutes and you cannot have three minutes worth of information to cover a 30 minute time slot. In order to perfect this skill, one has to rehearse in real time and not just imagine what you think you will say. Sometimes it sounds all great in our head but when it actually comes out it is quite different and it takes a completely different amount of time than thought.
BE OVERLY PREPARED
You can never be too prepared. To be a successful orator you have to be prepared, especially if you have nerve issues. If you know exactly what you are going to say, at what moment you are going to say it, and have rehearsed your talk several hundred times then your speech will in a way go on an auto pilot in order for you to gain your composure and overcome your nerves. If you are able to accomplish this success at the very beginning of your talk then you will notice that your heart beat will begin to decrease and your voice will get clearer and this in turn gives you great confidence to continue and will give you the most needed tool, a clear head. Here comes a really good tip, when you have a clear head, you can think. When you can think you can talk logically and not ramble and this all has to do with being prepared and not only with what you are going to say, but with what PowerPoint or note you will use, what handouts you will give and if you will or will not use any public speaking techniques.
BE AWARE OF SURROUNDINGS
Another important note is that you should be aware of your environmental surroundings. It will give you peace of mind to know exactly in which room or location you will be talking. This way you will not have to stress over being late or not being able to find the location. Is this room well lit so you can read your notes, is it cool, where are the air vents. Then make sure you are not standing under a vent if you know this will mess up your throat or cause your voice to tremble. Or the opposite may be true if you are a hot natured person. Be aware of where people will be entering and exiting the location of your talk in order that you are the farthest way so it will distract you the least. Also, if you are using a laptop you need to be positioned and know where the nearest power source is. This awareness can prevent a major mental breakdown when your laptop dyes and you start crying in front of everybody. So in order to accomplish all of these minor, but major tasks it is crucial that you take the necessary steps to be on time. This will allow you a moment to regain your composure and help your body acclimate to the environment and not experience of shock of coming from a hot outdoors to a cold inside or vice-a-versa. It will also allow you time to converse with the people whom you will be speaking in front of so that you can see that they are just normal people like yourself and not super smart critics that just came to make fun of you.
DO SELF TALK
As long as it’s not out loud so people won’t think you are coo-coo, you might want to try some self talk. Yes I know it sounds funny but we all do it and it doesn’t make you crazy. Tell yourself, it’s going to be okay, this is not as scary as you thinking, even rehearse your lines in your head, or maybe even tell yourself once I do awesome, I’m going for ice cream. But seriously a nice reinforcement to look forward to following all of your hard preparation could be just the needed motivator for success. It is also helpful to envision the end goal. If you can convince yourself that you will be successful then there is a greater likelihood you will be successful.
FIND OUT WHAT WORKS FOR YOU
One helpful sight to overcoming the fear of public speaking is to know yourself. Observe what makes you nervous and what makes you calm. Maybe if your fear is associated with low self confidence then perhaps you should take time to pamper yourself before you get up in front of people. Or if you are introverted then maybe you need to reserve your energy and go to a quite secluded place just before you speak. Everybody is different. Everybody experiences the fear of public speaking differently.
GO SLOW
If you know that you will have difficulties with even getting the first word to come out of your mouth, don’t panic. Allow yourself a few seconds to get used to being in front of everybody. They are not going anywhere and they can wait. These few seconds, what might seem to you as a lifetime, are really just a few seconds. And keep this in mind when you feel that you are struggling for a word and you think you are taking a half an hour to come up with it this is just your nerves talking and you should put them on their leash; because if you don’t take the time to go slowly you will not be able to continue.
EMBRACE THE BUTTERFLY
Just like any fear, the fear of public speaking can be overcome. And this is not accomplished by avoiding the fear. It is overcome by facing the fear head on. The more opportunities you have to speak, the better. It will get easier. Your hands will begin to be less sweaty and your voice will become clearer the more you practice speaking in front of people. However, do this the smart way. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Start small. Being wise and you will be successful. This success will not come overnight but remember you have to be realistic, be open to learning, and keep on trying. The butterfly in your stomach is a good thing. It is good stress. It is what keeps us on our toes and reminds us that we will always be more successful when we are prepared. It is when the butterflies fly away that we should be worried. So let us appreciate their fluttering wings and remember that this is just a normal part of life.
The chronology of the history of events in the lives of the Voronaev children is the least to say vague and uncertain. We see only bits and pieces of their experiences. And from what we do know from theses small glimpses, the facts are so disturbing that it is easier to face reality by ignoring it. It’s much more convenient to allow the lives of the Voronaev’s children to get lost in the midst of the politics, procedure and papers (or lack thereof). But, the truth is that “The (un)Forgotten” story is not about the difficulties of anything else but the children. The children are the focus of Dr. Donev’s paper and most definitely should not be forgotten.
Reading the story of the Voronaevs takes a strong heart. It is indeed a sad one that for many of us may seem unfathomable. And yet the sparse historical accounts surrounding their life stories force the reader to confront discomfort. However, the sadist story of all is that when reading this account from the perspective of the children it was not one that I wanted to accomplish. I didn’t want to think about how the children might have felt or what they might have gone through. I refused because it was too painful. It took too much emotional anguish to even think about the pain and trauma that these children went through. Because of my refusal to contemplate the trials these children endured, I was unable to be empathetic. I was powerless to even begin to comprehend what might have gone through the minds of the children who witnessed and experienced events no child should have to. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be a child with no “home” or much less no country. I was not able to walk a mile in their shoes. I have no idea what it is or would be like to live under Communism or to be the child of a missionary family who had so many struggles, which is putting it lightly only so I can verbalize this unfortunate reality.
When a child is in any manner separated from their parents there becomes a disconnect like no other in which a child begins to experience self-doubt, insecurity and uncertainty. When this bond is ripped apart it leaves behind feelings of anxiety and guilt. Yet when a child first hand experiences a parent being dragged off by Communist police in front of them, this leaves an entirely different scar, one which never heals. It is a scar so deep, filled with enormous traumatic stress which no one could possibly imagine. Not to mention the other dynamics of immigrations and foster care that the Voronaev children endured. These children no doubt were left with feelings of loneliness and rejection in one uncertain situation after the other.
So when we look back and we read the history of the complications of obtaining visas and the difficult times of providing a place for these children to stay in addition to worrying about the financial means to do so; when we look at the bickering, the perhaps shady details of people’s character and church politics, we must not over look that there where real children suffering in the midst of the chaos. They were not just characters of a story or pawns in a game. They were real even though they were only foreigners and they were only children of poor missionaries. They have stories to tell. They have a voice which must be heard. They most certainly were not listened too while they were alive so let us at least do them the justice of listening to their whispers beyond the grave and hear their pain, hear their trials and hear their plea to leave the politics behind and begin to see the true reality of missions work. Too often in the world of ministry, the children are the ones who suffer the most and it is quite unfortunate that the littlest ones go unheard. We must speak for the least of these among us. We can not remain silent.
Kathryn N. Donev, M.S., LPC/MHSP, NBCC
Review by Kathryn N. Donev, LPS/MHSP, NBCC
Wise Stewards begins with the philosophical question “What gives meaning, purpose, and value in life?” But don’t let the philosophical focus of this book scare you away. One of the author’s main accomplishments in the text is his ability to present this concept in a manner that is more of a challenge to our way of thinking than to our intellectual ability. This unspoken challenge is for parents to, regardless if biological or not, obtain a personal theory of a more suitable Godly parenting style rather than relying on unstructured notions of parenting. Austin does not simply discuss key virtues for the Christian family in an abstract way, but intends for the reader to integrate the ideas into a comprehensive framework that can then be used as a resource to enhance their parenting skills. This goal is apparent in every chapter that concludes with a section of questions for reflection and application.
Austin makes sure to clarify early on that he believes in moral realism. Additionally, he begins with a disclaimer that his suggestions are not to replace scripture. I appreciated both of these points. In today’s post modern society, this is a rare attribute in publications related to parenting, which should be valued. The author invites the reader to join him on a journey into becoming a better parent, a journey that will be guided by Biblical truths. If there was one sentence that could sum up the entire book it would be the following: “I seek to develop a sound understanding of the parent-child relationship by combining biblical, theological and philosophical reflections in order to construct an everyday ethic of parenthood that is distinctly Christian.” Finally we have someone who is not afraid to take a strong stand on Christian values. The way Austin opens himself at the onset of this undertaking is inviting and encourages the reader to maintain an open mind to the views that follow.
Wise Stewards has a distinctly philosophical approach to parenting, an approach that may turn away some readers but let me ask the question, should we not all strive to be philosophers and lovers of wisdom? Why does philosophy threaten us so much? Why do we tend to think that remaining in the dark is easier than facing the truth? This book sheds light on the often neglected area of parenting. Unfortunately it has come to the point that parents have to be reminded of their biblical roles. It is not a suggestion to raise your child up in the Lord but a mandate. Austin does a great job of reminding us this by addressing the need for Christian ethics for parents and insists that wise parents must view themselves as stewards of their children. He addresses basic values every parent should already be teaching their children; however after reading about Austin’s thoughts related to humility and frugality, one can’t help but think new thoughts about these basic values and how they relate to parenting. One’s view of a parent and parenthood will definitely change after reading this book. We cannot afford to be unwise any longer.
The call at the end of book is extremely thought provoking. Wise Stewards challenges parents to be exactly that, wise stewards, and calls them to restore the home to be the center for spiritual life and a “sacred place” for worship and study. It is sad we have to be taught what has become a foreign concept that for my generation used to be a given. I remember family meals would be together, around a dinner table and would begin with prayer and end with having to ask to be excused. In the modern family of today’s society most do not even have a dinner table, or “the altar” as Austin describes. This concept is no longer the center of family values. The home is no longer the center for learning or spiritual development. Austin makes a compelling case that parents who are acting as wise stewards must not bow to societal pressures but must live up to Godly standards.
Wise Stewards is more than just a great read for all levels of readers; it is a great tool for parents of all parenting styles. Yet it is not good enough to read this book and leave it on your shelf to show how great of a parent you are, you must be ready and willing to apply these ethical principles of forgiveness, patience, compassion and so forth. You must be a parent willing to embrace a Godly form of discipline. If used correctly, Wise Stewards could change a family forever in which the earthly home is restored to that place of shalom providing a reflection of our heavenly home.
By Kathryn N. Donev, LPC/MSHP, NBCC.
Pedophilia is a medically diagnosable disorder typically “defined as a psychiatric disorder in adults or late adolescents (persons age 16 and older) characterized by a primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children (generally age 13 years or younger, though onset of puberty may vary)”(Wikipedia). It is a disorder that does not discriminate by race, class or age. The Department of Justice estimates, approximately 400,000 convicted pedophiles currently reside in the United States (Snyder). The following will attempt to present a profile of a pedophile in order to make aware their tactics and typical personality traits used as part of a strategy to take advantage of innocent children.
SOCIALLY CHALLENGED
According to the American Psychiatric Association the overwhelming majority of pedophiles are male. They are typically more religious than not and over the age of 30 (Montaldo, Ruggles). Researcher reports a correlation between pedophilia and certain psychological characteristics, such as poor social skills (Emmers-Sommer). Pedophiles are typically antisocial with few friends and not in a relationship. If in a relationship, they will more likely be in a superficial one with a person whom has a child of their preferred age range whom they can target. If married, the relationship is more “companion” based with no sexual relations and is typically dysfunctional providing only a façade to their real identity (Montaldo).
INTROVERTED CHARACTER
Being an introvert, they will prefer to keep personal information limited. They are often vague about past history. If closed off to real intimate relationships then they do not have to share their real identity from which they are hiding. This achieved goal of avoidance is considered a great personal accomplishment and is one of the ways they compensate for low self-esteem. However, they will present such an overwhelming caring personality that purposes to form “intimate” bonds in which they will invest in listening to the lives of those around them. This bond will appear so real that one overlooks that there is no reciprocity of sharing and in reality you know nothing to very little about the pedophile with whom you feel close.
DEMONSTRATIVE PERSONALITY
Pedophiles may also demonstrate increased personal affection. You may observe that this type of person is “a hugger” or will constantly enter ones personal space and do so at times without invitation. This characteristic is accepted as a personality trait and innocently overlooked and excused. After time, one begins to subconsciously let their guard down as systematically the pedophile becomes closer to you and your loved ones entering an intimate realm. They also may attempt to exaggerate situations to test the limits of an individuals understanding. For example if another protests the initial reaction or exaggeration presented by the pedophile then this information give an insight to ones awareness level and how easily they may be manipulated.
PROFESSIONAL MANIPULATORS
Even though some studies show that a pedophile has lower intellectual abilities and self-esteem (Marshall) they are skillful professional manipulators. They are so successful they are able to present a non-unlikeable persona. Meaning they are overly friendly and engaging to the point where one finds themselves in a relationship without even making a conscious effort. Their personality is so magnetic that it attracts children and adults alike. One allows themselves to continue with such relationship due to the appearances of trustworthiness and respectability presented by the pedophile. They are people who are in good standing in the community and will find themselves in a position of helping such as coaching, ministry leaders, volunteers, and so forth (Ruggles, Wooden).
PROTECTOR ROLE
Child molesters often make efforts to gain access to or authority over children (Wooden). Because the internal desire of a pedophile is for a child to become a possession, a child is the focus of great destructive obsession. A child is the focal point of the world of a pedophile and may often be referenced in terms which are drastically uplifting or angelic such as innocent, heavenly or divine (Montaldo). This strong child advocacy is often viewed as an innocent protective act and is one of the reasons why they are allowed to get close to children. You may also overlook all of the physical affection or photographs taken of a child because this is done in a manner which is portrayed as a service to children across the board. If a pedophile does take pictures in the open, others will be convinced that such are not for personal use but for the greater good perhaps being published in a child advocacy resource or so forth.
CHILDLIKE GESTICULATION
A pedophile, even though they charm their way into the lives of adults by trade, they prefer to be around children more so feeling more comfortable and understood. They surround themselves with items that will make them more appealing to children perhaps even including the way they dress. Some even control the way they talk and prefer to use a soft, slow, gentle, childlike, and more so feminine voice over a strong, threatening, controlling manly voice. They obsessively prefer childlike activities over adult ones. They may test the acceptance level of playing children’s’ games with children by first attempting to see if adults like to play such games as well.
UNDERDOG MENTALITY
It is true that some pedophiles are highly intellectual. Yet they will use any intellectual difficulty or perceived difficulty to their advantage and enjoy being the “underdog”. This allows them to reach out to even the most unaware unknowledgeable person for help with everyday tasks. It is a part of human nature to help those in need and a pedophile will use this to their advantage. This is how they get their foot in the door in order to silently but skillfully creep into your community, social network and ultimately your personal home. You may see this characteristic demonstrated in the constant reminder that they are from a different town and are not familiar with the local culture or area. Or they may obsessively seek your guidance, assistance or approval for even the smallest of tasks. They play off of ones need to be needed.
EPILOGUE
Remember pedophiles are professional manipulators and you will have to make a conscious effort to see through the sophisticated front which they have learned to master. Keep in mind that you should always trust your internal instincts. This is one area in which a pedophile has no advantage over you. Do not attempt to convince yourself that what you are sensing is not real for it is when you fall into this trap that you begin to slowly loose touch with reality and are bewildered and sucked into a lye one which is too dangerous to ignore. Never be afraid by the lies that I will hurt ones feelings if I make aware my observations or I am being too pushy by trying to get more history on a person who is so closed off. When all of the signs are present it is our responsibility as true child advocates to protect our children at any cost.
2011. Copyright. All Rights Reserved by Author and CCMI Consortium. Not to be reproduced in any manner without permission of author or CCMI.
Works Cited
American Psychiatric Association. Fact sheet: pedophilia. Available at:www.medem.com/index.cfm. Accessed March 01, 2011.
Emmers-Sommer, T. M., Allen, M., Bourhis, J., Sahlstein, E., Laskowski, K., Falato, W. L., et al. A meta-analysis of the relationship between social skills and sexual offenders. 2004. Communication Reports, 1–17.
Marshall, W. L. The relationship between self-esteem and deviant sexual arousal in nonfamilial child molesters. 1997. Queens University. Sage Journal Publication of Behavior Modification.
Montaldo, Charles. Profile of a pedophile. Available at: www.about.com. Accessed March 17, 2011.
Ruggles, Tammy L. Profile of a pedophile. Available at www.mentalhealthmatterss.com. February 2009. Last Updated on Tuesday, 28 September 2010 15:46. Accessed March 5, 2011.
Snyder, Howard N. Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement: Victim, Incident, and Offender Characteristics. Washington, DC: US Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics; 2000. Publication NCJ 182990.
Wikipedia. Article: pedophilia. Available at www.wikipedia.org. Accessed March 15, 2011.
Wooden, Ken, (with Rosemary Webb & Jennifer Mitchell). Think First & Stay Safe™ Parent Guide. A profile of the child molester. 2010. Publication Child Lures Prevention/Teen Lures Prevention.
Things to Consider Before Going on a Mission Trip:
1. Be informed about the cultural differences of the people you are trying to reach because your good intentions may be misunderstood and even offend.
2. Keep in mind you are not going on a site-seeing tour but are going to help others see the true light.
3. Just because something makes sense in your language doesn’t mean it will make sense interpreted into a foreign language. Clichés are to be avoided.
4. Remember that you are going to lift up others and not yourself. The song that says “It’s all about YOU” is actually referring to Christ.
5. Consider that the people you are ministering to are real and not objects to be put on display in a savvy PowerPoint when returning home from your trip.
6. Just because you go to a foreign country doesn’t make you a missionary.
7. It is when you put yourself in the shoes of the people you are helping that you just may learn some do not even have shoes to wear.
8. Aid is not the answer to all problems. Sometimes the people you are going to assist have real problems and spiritual needs.
9. It is not the power of earthly money that saves souls, but the power of a Heavenly Father.
10. There is a major difference between being “mission-minded” and being an international worker.
I was recently asked to explain the difference between character and personality and if God can change either. The following was my response.
First of all of course there is a difference between character and personality – this is why they are called with different terms and the person who uses them interchangeable does not really understand the terms. Character cannot include personality, but personality must include the capacities of character and not be limited by them.
Personality is deeper than character. It is the innate characteristic of an individual which makes him/her unique and subjective. So this is the way God made you like you were saying. But some theories say that personality can actually be changed over time this is why people go to psychotherapy and of course your character can change (honesty, enthusiasm, etc, being shaped by your individual experiences- VERY IMPORTANT). And this is very interesting that there are two factors for “personality change”: 1) Major personality change involves some sort of intense affective or feeling process occurring in the individual and 2) Major personality change occurs nearly always in the context of an ongoing personal relationship. Hum, does this sound familiar? Another interesting point which some theories suggest is that “Sometimes personality degenerates into character, or character matures into personality in the same person”. But if you really think about it, God can do whatever he wants and he can change both character and/or personality if he chooses and to say He can’t would be limiting His Omnipotency. I hope you find this helpful.
Motivation has been explored from the beginning of time. Questions such as “What is motivation?” and “How can one become motivated?” continue to be discussed and analyzed. Many theories of how to motivate individuals exist. Some authorities feel that the key to motivation is the use of a reward system in which an individual is enticed to act by an external motivator. Conversely, other experts believe in the concept of “self-talk” where one simply talks positively to become motivated from within. Scholars continue to debate the sources of motivation, both external and internal. Before exploring the various routes to achieving motivation, the question “What is motivation?” must be addressed. Motivation has been described in a variety of ways. From a Christian perspective, motivation can be defined as occurring when an individual is convinced of the appropriateness and urgency of Christian goals, to the degree that he or she is driven not from without but from within to act, and continues to act in order to reach these goals, despite what others do or think.
In order to understand motivation, one must be aware of the sources of motivation. These include those that arise from within oneself and those that derive from external factors. One of the main sources of external motivation is an external financial incentive. Other external motivators include social pressure as well as attractive or magnetic personalities. Some personalities have the ability to attract individuals who may fail to consider the implications of becoming enticed. External motivators inspire individuals to act first and think later. In such cases, one is solely motivated by the external incentive. Alternatively, individuals may experience genuine motivation, which comes from within oneself.
Before addressing how to become genuinely motivated, a further distinction must be made between “internal motivation” and “external motivation.” Internal motivation is what the author considers to be true motivation due to the fact that it is internally generated and not externally stimulated. For example, an individual becomes enthusiastic or excited about a cause merely due to a personal interest in that cause or an individual may become passionate about performing a task simply because it is something that is a part of that individual because of a choice which he or she has made to identify with that task and not because of any external incentive.
On the other hand, the author views external motivation as an artificial stimulus. External motivation is artificial in the sense that it produces emotional stimulation which may lead to excitement without creating an awareness of the true source of such feelings. In other words, support or positive reinforcement from others may create a feeling of motivation which may dissipate once the external source is removed. An example of external motivation is verbal praise or financial reinforcements. External motivation is based on external incentives. One may find him or herself asking the question, “What is in it for me?” External motivation causes one to become consumed with personal rewards, rather than focusing on the goal at hand. Nevertheless, it is important to note that in the early stages of motivation, people may need emotional support or encouragement from others in order to promote action. However, individuals are not truly motivated as defined above, unless their actions are produced by internal motives regardless of the presence of support from others.
Sequence of Internal Motivation:
Internal motivation is produced through a five stage sequence: (1) Informed, (2) Interested, (3) Identification, (4) Internal Passion, and (5) Internal Motivation. The first stage involves the initial process of becoming aware. Awareness requires a time of enlightenment. This may take place by various means, including but not limited to learning through verbal communication or through media forms such as handout literature. It is important to note that if one is not cognizant of the reasons he or she performs certain actions, there may be consequences when one discovers that manipulation rather than motivation has occurred. True motivation involves both understanding the purpose and reasoning behind actions.
The second stage involves one becoming interested. This occurs after enlightenment when one makes a choice to further invest of him or herself. At this stage, there is a level of curiosity due to the desire to obtain more information. He or she may become personally intrigued by the obtained information and feel like such sounds like or defines who he or she is.
After obtaining the information necessary to understand why he or she is about to make an investment, the individual proceeds to stage three. During this period, an individual will begin to identify with what he or she just learned. He or she will begin to embrace the cause as part of his or her person. It is important to note that in order to be motivated about a cause you have to identify with that cause. When you identify with something, the identified aspect becomes a part of your being, resulting in a sense of belongingness. If you begin to identify with being a “counselor,” then counseling becomes a part of your total being.
The fourth stage, internal passion, begins with an igniting spark. This is the preliminary occurrence that is needed in order to instigate motivation within an individual. However, it is important that this spark does not become consuming. A balance between one’s passion or motivating force and one’s being or person needs to exist. This is crucial so that one does not become burnt out or tired because too much emphasis has been placed on one aspect while the other aspects of life have been forgotten. For example, this may occur if a counselor places a great deal of emphasis on the occupation and forgets about the personal walk with Christ or the responsibilities associated with being a family person.
Becoming internally motivated is the final stage. At this stage, one has a desire to do something solely for the love of it; thus achieving genuine internal motivation. This motivation is not reliant on external rewards but originates solely from within the individual. The significance of internal motivation is that this motivation drives one regardless of the opinions or actions of others. A person will perform an action merely because it is something that he or she is called to do and not because of reliance on secular reinforcements.
Nurturing Ongoing Motivation
Even though one may possess internal motivation, he or she eventually may move from being internally motivated, to externally motivated when personal drive or passion comes no longer from within, but rather from external factors such as the praise of others. When one places too much emphasis on the opinions of others, it is easy to lose sight of the origin of one’s passion. That which originally came from within now is being influenced by external factors. Once external factors become nonexistent; one is no longer rewarded for what he or she is doing. When having moved to being externally motivated and one finds themselves no longer receiving external reinforcements is when burnout or becoming tired occurs.
When one continues to act with little or no reinforcement, a crisis may result. An individual may begin to wonder why he or she continues to engage in an act if no one seems to appreciate the effort. Therefore, in order to prevent this burning out or moving away from being internally motivated and losing one’s desire to move forward when external reinforcements are not present, it is important that one revisit his or her initial passion and move away from having to rely on external factors to influence action. This period of retaining one’s internal motivational state involves a weaning process where people re-learn to live based on what God wants rather than on social reasoning.
Steps for Burnt-out Prevention
Let me begin by saying that speaking on behalf of those in the helping profession, I can attest that counseling is a very rewarding experience for therapists. We find ourselves encouraged by the reality that the time we invest in our clients, changes this person’s life for the better. We witness how our gift of helping assists one to no longer be afraid of going out in public and it allows another to work through their relationship difficulties in order to save their marriage. However, counseling, as well know, is a process which can take months or even years.
It is on this journey that we take with our clients that we face many emotionally draining moments. These moments include our clients entrusting us with their burdens which become heavy to carry. This process of counseling is not always filled with successes. We hear our clients’ pain and we feel our clients’ pain as if it is our own. There are even occasions when our client’s regress. These are the difficult moments in which we as therapists feel yet more so responsible for what our clients are experiencing. Then we even begin to question our own abilities. So regardless of the resulting reward of counseling, it is a very challenging profession which expects many demands; physical, emotional and spiritual. Day after day the therapist is ethically required to put the needs of his or her clients above the needs of their own.
Yet, it is inevitable that if one continues to suppress their needs and take on stress without properly managing the tension, it will result in burnt-out. So knowing this, we should ask the question, “What can be done about it?” How can a person in the helping profession prevent reaching the point of burnt-out? The following are a few insights to assist in this process.
Be attentive of your needs
It is among the prime responsibilities of a helper to be aware of and attentive to their own needs. This often is the most difficult task. As we are programmed to be aware of the needs of others, we often find it foreign to tend to ourselves. But, it is only when your personal needs are taken care of that you will be able to provide the best possible treatment for your clients. In simple terms, if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of another.
If you find yourself not having time to take care of yourself then it is crucial that you make the time. This may include rearranging your schedule or learning the ever hard word, “No”. Keep in mind that when you are emotionally and physically exhausted you could be doing more harm than good to your clients.
Recognizing the first signs of stress
Not everyone reacts to stress in the same manner. So it is important that you be able to recognize your personal signs of stress whether it is that you become easily frustrated or the complete opposite of that you simply begin to not care or feel hopeless. Or you may find yourself at first having a hard time concentrating. Some people sleep a lot while others cannot sleep at all. On a more personal level you may find yourself neglecting yourself and family or avoiding activities you enjoy.
Yet, however you experience stress the resulting effects can have a negative impact on not only yourself but on your clients as well if not dealt with properly. According to the article in the Medical Economics “Do you care too much” by G. Weiss, one of the most dangerous results of stress is that a helper could experience what is know as compassion fatigue in which they begin to have unrealistic expectations of their clients. This in turn could lead to a tendency to push clients to resolve issues before they are ready. And this is only one of the many resulting negative effects if a helper does not recognize their own signs of stress.
Establish realistic expectations
It is very easy for a person in the helping profession to become overwhelmed. It is the hardest task to turn someone away whom needs your assistance. However, unfortunately as much as we would like, we cannot help everyone. And this is something that we have to come to terms with in order to prevent burnt-out. It is important that we establish realistic expectations which include boundaries and limits. We cannot be on call 24/7. We need to learn to separate our professional obligations from our personal lives.
Find a release
Without an appropriate and healthy way of releasing the tensions or stressors that accumulate into stress one will become anxious to the point of alienating oneself from others. When this happens one enters a vicious downward spiral which becomes difficult to get out of. If one becomes alienated they have no support system to help them recover. Therefore, it is essential that one find appropriate ways of releasing stress even if it is just doing small things every once and a while so stress doesn’t build up. The key to this step is not only finding that release, but actually taking the time to do it.
Take advantage of resources
No matter how strong you think you are, you are never too strong to ask for help. We are only human and should not be embarrassed when we do not know it all. It is our ultimate gold to provide the best care for our clients and this cannot be accomplished without resources. Resources allow you to not be alone when encountering the burdens of your clients. And just as your clients talk to you about their problems you should also have someone to talk to about your problems.
Epilogue
Burnt-out Prevention is a topic which has received much attention within these past recent years. We are becoming somewhat of experts on the topic when it comes to assisting clients through the prevention process. Yet when it comes to our own lives we overlook the need for such an essential act. In order that we are most helpful we must learn how to prevent burnt-out for ourselves. And it is not enough to know what steps to take, we actually have to be proactive and take the time to make the needed steps.
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