Caring for the Soul

We are unfortunately living in a conscious less society. There is no fear. I remember when this ideology used to be the “it” slogan of the upcoming rebellious generation, when t-shirts and bumper stickers proudly proclaimed “NO FEAR”. However, for this same generation today, the slogan has become a way of life. It is no longer simply a proclaimed desired protest; it is a life of no fear, no consequence and therefore no consciousness. Indulgency are acceptable, lies are just and chivalry is no more.

Empathy is not an innate characteristic of humanity. It is something that has to be fostered from an early age. Yet, when care is not learn and understanding of others desires, sadness, and pain is not comprehended, there becomes confusion.

In this post-modern society of the 21st century, we are faced with a clash of two cultures. There is a struggle of one culture not understanding why the other doesn’t understand and the other culture truly not having the ability to understand. The only thing to be feared is not fear itself, but rather a world with no fear. This is a world of savages seeking only to meet selfish desires; one which will knock down the other to be superior. There is no care, no giving and no empathy. For those who say “No Fear”, I say “Have Fear” or society will be no more.

by Kathryn N. Donev, LPC-MHSP, NCC

Alfred Adler is prominently known for his work and contributions in the area of understanding inferiority. His findings are backed up with research and years of experience. However, the following statements are not Adlerian but, Donevian and nontraditional based not on scientific research, but only on years of observations and personal profiling. The following are three main warning signs or indicators of one who more than likely suffers with feelings of inferiority.

If the individual is/has:

1. Hair Loss
2. Speech Impediment
3. Short

After over ten years of encountering an overwhelming amount of people in leadership positions whom have been excessively authoritative, I began to note common physical characteristics of these individuals. And to my great surprise, I found that those leaders whom had all three of the above listed features were listed high on the following three attributes as well: 1. controlling, 2. demanding and 3. critical of other’s success. And as we all know, the latter attributes are all signs of compensating for inferiority. Therefore, if an individual has all three warning signs of being hair, speech and height challenged, the greater the complex.

I have tested this hypothesis and it has remained true for nearly 95% of cases personally encountered. I challenge you to put this theory to the test as well. Being aware of the warning signs of a personality that is destructive can save you a lot of heartache and headache. While psychological indicators are hard to determine, inferior personalities who seek to destroy you and your reputation to make theirs appear stronger can be avoided by looking for three obvious physical characteristics.

This post is left blank for you to fill in your personal 2012 resolution and not to be persuaded by pressure of some internet website.

Only those who truly want to change will.

Change comes from within.

You are the true source of change.

The following is a Thanksgiving Message of Cup and Cross Ministries International.

The Scripture advises us to give thanks to God at all times and on all occasions. It also gives thanks itself: Genesis gives thanks for the creation. Exodus gives thanks for the deliverance. Leviticus gives thanks from generation to generation. Numbers gives thanks for each generation. Deuteronomy gives thanks for the law. Joshua gives thanks for the Promised Land. The historical books give thanks because His mercy endures forever. Psalms give thanks with a song. Proverbs give thanks with a word of wisdom. The Prophets give thanks for the coming Messiah.

The Gospel give thanks for the Messiah who has come to the world. Acts give thanks for the Holy Ghost. The Epistles give thanks for we were delivered from sin, saved, sanctified, baptized, adopted to the family of God, healed, restored, blessed and wonderfully placed on the firm rock who is the Christ. Revelation gives thanks for He is coming again to deliver us from the trials and tribulations of the present world and to bring us to the abundant life in the Heavenly City.

I am thankful to the God who is my hope for both today and for eternity.

Moral development is defined as the development regarding rules and conventions about what people should do in their interactions with other people. Such development involves the development of thoughts, feelings and actions concerning standards or what is right and wrong, which includes an interpersonal and intrapersonal dimension. The intrapersonal dimension accounts for ones actions when they are not engaged socially and the opposite is true for explaining the interpersonal dimension.

The social learning theory suggests that we learn via social experiences. Meaning our behaviors and actions result from what we model from others. Therefore, the social learning theory might explain moral development in children as a result of modeling observed moral behaviors and actions. When a child is provided with models that behave morally, that child is prone to adopt the observed actions.

Social learning theorists believe that moral behavior is influenced by a particular situation and that ones ability to resist temptation is closely correlated with self-control. Therefore, a child must be taught to control impulses, learn to be patient and to delay being gratified. This is best done through role modeling and providing appropriate examples. It is also suggested that when a child is rewarded for acting out a modeled behavior the likelihood of that behavior re-occurring increases. The opposite is also true; when the behavior is punished or not rewarded then the behavior will likely decrease. Therefore, it is crucial to not only provide a child with the appropriate models, but a child must be encourage for acting out moral behaviors in order to understand that such behavior is a good thing.

However, when there is no reward present is when this intrapersonal dimension comes into play. This is when one does moral acts for the sake of doing what is right. It is important to instruct a child at an early age and instill within them this concept of right and wrong in order for one to act morally when it is thought that no one is watching. When no one is watching is when the true sense of morals arises.

DATE WRITTEN:  July 18, 2006

To learn more about moral development check out the following podcast of Tod Daniel: Moral Development PodCast

Our children are constantly communicating with us. Yet, the irony here is that children have a limited vocabulary simply because they have not learned many words yet. So, children become creative and communicate via nonverbal methods. They articulating their needs through natural to them means of expressions, mannerism or the internal act of play. For a child, drawing is also one of these means of communicating.

For a child, drawing is a way to share fears, anxieties, concerns, joys, desires and much more. So it is crucial that we are listening to their drawings. If we only take the time to enter our children’s world of self-expression, we have the potential to enhance their physical, mental and emotional well-being. By listen to our children’s drawing we not only learn many things.

Talking with your child about their art will help them process their feelings, but never force this discussion as it will lead to them feeling intimidated and perhaps will result in your child shutting down emotionally. Leave the choice up to your child when and if they would like to talk about their drawings or art pieces. Remember your child does not have that great of a vocabulary yet and this is why they prefer to talk to you via nonverbal means. You may also want to try using puppets when you are asking direct questions as your child will not feel as confronted. Also, reflecting on their art instead of asking direct questions will allow this process to go more smoothly. For instance perhaps use the following phrase such as: “I noticed you used that color” or “I wonder what this character in your picture is feeling”.

Although you can learn a lot about your child by looking at what they are saying through their art, don’t act hastily and over exaggerate your child’s expressions. The important thing is to listen unconditionally and keep your eyes and ears open to any clues your child is giving you. Many times this comes through repetition of drawing the same thing over and over. This is a good place to start!

We live in a fast-paced society where virtually everything is just a click away. With the click of a button, you can pay your bills or even have merchandise shipped to your front door without ever leaving the comforts of home. The Internet has made this and much more a reality. The number of Internet users today is reported at 972,828,001, which is 15.2% of the world’s population and the percentage of population usage growth during 2000-2005 was reported at 169.5% (Internet World Stats, 2005). As the number of Internet users across the globe continues to soar, more and more resources are becoming accessible online. The possibilities of services that can be offered on the Internet are endless. Today, one can even receive online professional services such as counseling.

Online counseling is a relatively new service. Therefore, there currently exists limited research to support or disconfirm its effectiveness. The long-term ramifications of such an experience are yet unknown. There are many concerned with the ethical dilemmas associated with online counseling. Below I will briefly explore the ethical issues centered around online counseling, beginning with a definition of a traditional counseling relationship:

A traditional counseling relationship is an interpersonal relationship between a client and counselor in which the counselor provides the client a reflection of the client’s self in a safe atmosphere in which the client feels comfortable enough to completely relay information to the counselor in order to gain order over personal conflicts.

Confidentiality:
The first and most obvious ethical dilemma with rendering mental health services over the Internet is one of confidentiality and privacy. The Internet is an open network and therefore is not secure. Consequently, when communicating through an insecure source one cannot be completely guaranteed that what is being revealed in a counseling relationship remains only in that relationship.

Because the Internet is not secure, there are numerous opportunities for an invasion of privacy. Such could occur if one were receiving counseling while at the work place where his or her email is subject to being read because it is considered company property. Other possibilities include, but are not limited to, that another could access confidential emails intentionally by eavesdropping or unintentionally if information was misdirected and intercepted.

Identification:
Another ethical issue associated with online counseling involves client and counselor identification. Without being able to confirm the identity of a client during each interaction, one cannot be certain of who is being counseled. The danger in this circumstance is that one could easily misrepresent him or herself and the counselor could be mislead to believe that he or she is counseling a particular individual when in fact this may not be the case. If this were to happen, confidential information could be unintentionally divulged to a third party.

Additionally, if the client were to misrepresent his or her own identity, for instance their sex or ethnicity, this could be just as damaging and could hinder the counseling process. If a counselor does not fully know with whom he or she is working, then the story which is being revealed by the client cannot appropriately be put into context, thus resulting in misinterpretation of what the client is communicating.

Virtual Relationship:
One of the most common negative results of interacting online is the phenomenon of being in a virtual relationship. Both the counselor as well as the client are in a sense unreal, they are simply “cyber-beings” as the author likes to describe them. Being in a virtual relationship causes an individual to have no sense of commitment to the counseling process. The client is simply writing another email via a keyboard and has minimum personal connection to the counselor.

Due to the lack of a personal relationship with the counselor, a client may be more easily offended by the advice that is given in an online counseling session. A client may feel that a cyber-being has no right to become so personal. If this is the case, then a client may also be more apt to end the relationship either temporarily or permanently by simply clicking a button.

The first and foremost responsibility of a counselor is to protect the welfare of his or her client. Yet, if one is counseling a virtual person then it is nearly impossible to be able to ensure the client’s safety. A counselor does not even truly know whom they are counseling or the location of the client’s residence. With this being the case, a counselor cannot intervene if a client is a danger to him or herself or others. A counselor’s hands are tied when it comes to his or her “Duty to Warn.”

Dishonesty:
As a result of communicating over an insecure source to a cyber-being, a client receiving online services may not be willing to be straightforward about all information. Additionally, when information is shared with a lack of commitment to the counseling process this could lead the client to actually falsify information. Not only is there a danger that a client might be misleading or may even lie, but there is also the risk that a client could intentionally leave out parts of his or her story. A client may feel the need to be deceitful due to the fact that he or she may fear a breach of confidentiality or simply feel no responsibility to be honest because no personal relationship exists between counselor and client. If this is the case, then the counselor cannot work at full capacity because of a lack of all the pieces of the client’s history.

Dishonesty leads to confusion which makes the counseling process difficult if not impossible. If a client were able to be assured that what is said would stay only between counselor and client, then there would be more freedom to be completely honest. Also, if a client were in a face-to-face relationship, they may perhaps feel more of an obligation to be upfront.

Lack of Nonverbals:
Nearly 94 percent of all communication is nonverbal. We communicate with our facial expressions, posture, eye contact and so forth. Needless to say, reading nonverbals is an essential element of counseling. If one is being counseled online, these nonverbals are unobservable and such is detrimental to the counseling process. Nonverbals which cannot be observed during an online session are nervous behaviors, whether eye contact is maintained, angle and distance of body in relationship to the counselor, etc. Also, a client may be typing content which appears to be uplifting, but at the same time may be crying. Conversely, a client may be typing distraught messages but may be laughing while doing so. Such is evident of inappropriate affect and is a good indicator of possible mental diagnoses.

Abandonment Issues:
Another responsibility of the counselor is to not abandon a client. Yet, abandonment may be impossible to avoid when counseling occurs online due to the instability of the Internet. Communication could be hindered because of technology failures or glitches or as a result of a poor Internet connection.

If a relationship is suddenly ended for any reason, it would be almost, if not, impossible for a counselor to get back in touch with his or her client due to the fact that in an online counseling relationship the client is anonymous in most of the cases; thus making abandonment impossible to avoid. Furthermore, if a client were to abruptly leave a counseling session after threatening to harm him or herself or others, then not having the ability to protect your client would be the ultimate case of abandonment.

Conclusion:
There appears to be many “ifs” in the ethical dilemma of online counseling and not enough certainty. “If” we as counselors could guarantee the privacy of our clients, “if” we could make certain of who we are counseling, “if” our client is completely truthful and “if” we were guaranteed they would not terminate before a session is over, then there would be little debate over whether online counseling should be attempted. Nevertheless, as of now, the “ifs” do exist.

Counseling, whether online or in person, involves much responsibility. When counseling an individual, you are placed in a position where you are a major influence in that person’s life. A counselor holds much control over the mental health of another. If Internet counseling is attempted, it should only be done by a competent professional who is well-educated in the field and should only be done via secure websites or with an encryption technological e-mail communication application.

Counseling online is a great responsibility as is counseling an individual face to face. As well, such a relationship should be treated with the highest ethical professionalism. Regardless of that an online client is communicating in a virtual world, his or her problems are still very much real.

Reference

Internet World Stats (2005). Usage and Population Statistics, downloaded from http://www.Internetworldstats.com/stats.htm on 12/2/05. 10 a.m.

DATE WRITTEN:  January 17, 2006

Water is a chemical substance with the formula H2O meaning its molecule contains one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms connected by covalent bonds. All are vital to sustain life. Deprived of oxygen our immune system and health greatly suffers. As for hydrogen it is what helps to break down fat and protein in the stomach and to stimulate production of energy. When you think of water you have to think of all its elements and understand each of their functions. Water exists in three states, liquid, solid, and gas or sometimes referred to as an invisible vapor which exists in the air. Water covers over 70% of the earth’s surface and it on average composes 66% of the human body.

H2O is the source of life for without it, creation could not exist. Scriptures read to “let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life…” It is most interesting the importance the Lord places on this fascinating substance. Water is mentioned in the Bible over 700 times. It is considered a purifier in most religions and we see this in Christianity with water baptism. In John 3:5, Jesus says to Nicodemous that “Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.” In Exodus 30:18, we see how the priests were to wash their hands and feet before entering the tabernacle so they would not die. The Garden of Eden was “watered with a river that flowed through it” so that it did not die as so are the Heavens. Water is the source of life in many manners both in physical and spiritual realms.

When reading in Genesis, on the first day of creation the Bible says that the Lord spoke into existence light, “let there be light”. Then there was night and day and on the second day the Bible says that the Lord said to “Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water”. This is very interesting and confusing how He said to separate “water” from itself, while at the same time placing an emphasis on water. Yet, keep in mind that here in Genesis 1:6 it does not say that the Lord said let there be water and remember that water was of such importance that it was mentioned in the second verse of the Bible. In Genesis 1:2 it says that “the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters”. The Bible appears to be telling us that perhaps water was already in existence. Why? Why is water so important? What is the importance of God’s spirit moving upon the surface of a molecule with oxygen and hydrogen, the same element that makes up gas clouds and stars?

In John 4:7, Jesus refers to Himself as the water, which if you drink you will never thirst again. In Jeremiah 2:13, He refers to Himself as the fountain of living water. In Revelation 21:17, He refers to Himself as the water of life. Since God has always been in existence perhaps water has been in existence as one with Him. He, as the Trinity, is like that of the three atoms which make up the chemical substance of water; Father, Son and Holy Ghost or solid, liquid and gas. The Father remains in Heaven on His thrown as He sends the liquid state of His Son down to earth to be sacrificed for the sins of His earthly children and returns to the Father in order to send the gaseous state, the Holy Spirit to be our comforter.

We also see the significance of water with the great flood in Genesis when the floodgates of the heavens were opened. God came down to earth through means of rain or water to destroy His creation with a following promise to never come via this means again. Even the promise which was revealed to His people was a form of water, the vaporous form of the rainbow. God’s actions perhaps divulge that He knew He would later come through another means by sending His Son to the earth to save humanity from their sins. And this plan included His son having to ascend back to Heaven in order for Him to come to earth via another means of sending the Holy Spirit.

And when we are all together in Heaven, Revelations tells us that there will be no more sea but there will be a river which flows from the thrown room of God. And this river will be our eternal source of life and we will never thirst again. One day there will be no need for musing or explaining. It will be clear of the Biblical significance of water. Enlightenment will replace confusion. We will be one with God and He will be one with us.

Written: 9/18/2010

I recently sat in a lecture “Why Are Youth Leaving the Church?” I listened to the most recent statistics, compared one opinion to the next, looked at the latest church involvement research and even explored some emerging themes of why people in general leave the faith. All the information was very interesting and contained an impressive collaboration of ideas. The research does not lie and opinions are to be valued. However, honestly what good does this enlightenment do us when we sit back and do nothing to correct the problem? We are so used to youth leaving our church that we have become complacent with pews filled with “ancient dinosaurs” in the words of a young lady just last week. We have become so overwhelmed with data that we forget to look at the real picture of why our next generation of leaders are leaving. Or perhaps we do nothing because we simply don’t understand young people’s true motivation for leaving the church. The answers may be uncomfortable for some but they deserve deeper exploration.

Youth are leaving the church but this does not necessarily mean they all are leaving the faith. Many young people of today have much more faith than some of the pew fillers whom have their assigned seats with their pillows and blankets left to save their spots. So if this is the case that they still have a genuine relationship with Christ but simply don’t want to be within the four walls of religion, so to speak, should we not explore the million dollar question differently? We should not excuse away their leaving to agnosticism, postmodernism or neopaganism regardless of how cleverly it takes the focus off of the real concerns and sins of the “church.” It is not a very popular idea to confess the sins of the church which is ironic when we proclaim to be a house of confession. Perhaps confession is only good for the soul as long as the sins are not our own. Behind the irony rests a darker problem, one that is responsible for many young people leaving the church.

For years the church has been a place of hypocrisy and today’s young generation is one that is fed up with the dishonesty and is willing to take a stand. They are so disgusted they can no longer keep silent. They are not willing to “tweak the numbers” of the church financial records or work their way up the hierarchical ladder. They see through the masks and are not willing to compromise. Young people are tired of religious politics, bickering, back stabbing and lying. If we, the church, do not open our eyes to this now, if not yesterday, it will be too late.

This young generation is wandering looking for a place of refuge and they no longer find a safe place in the church house. The church regrettably is no longer safe. You cannot genuinely express your feelings, concerns or doubts without them being the topic of the message on the following Sunday morning. There is no longer trust within the church. The place of worship has turned into a place of gossip. A spiritual encounter has been replaced with a social gathering. The leadership of the Holy Spirit is no longer considered because we are too busy worrying about the opinions of others. So if by now you are still puzzled as to why the today’s youth are leaving the church then my heart is deeply saddened.

Nevertheless, we need to make a self-less effort and remember that the church does not exist for our personal entertainment. Realize it is not a prize to possess but is a treasure to be given away to the next generation. We must do whatever it takes to restore the tabernacle to its original purpose; to call its people back to holiness. We must be willing to give up our seat to the next generation before it is too late and there is no body left willing to fill the void.

Postscript: This article was written based on the following word the Lord gave me June, 2011: “The Church is not a prize to possess but is a treasure to give away”.