Caring for the Soul

I remember when I was a child I would go to Vacation Bible School every summer.  There we would sing the song “When you’re Happy and You Know It”.  It’s a fun song which most people have heard at least once if not one too many times as the song repeats itself over and over.  You clap your hands, then stomp your feet and it just makes you feel good.    If you were not happy before singing the song you will be by the time it’s over.  Happiness is a good thing.  It cures the soul.  It’s when we are happy that we are most successful and fulfilled.  However, ironically enough, happiness is not always a good thing.

It’s Not All about Me – Matthew 20: 1-16
When we occupy ourselves with reaching the state of being happy we lose sight of the true meaning of happiness.   We become so engrossed in the search itself that we become inwardly focused and self-absorbed. True happiness must be outwardly focused.  We cannot truly be content if we are possessed with a self-consumed mentality that causes us to forget about others. Happiness is coming to the point of realizing that it is not all the time about me.

Look Beyond the Self – Luke 15:11-32
Yet it is so hard to look beyond the self in such a post-modern culture which says, “Do whatever makes you feel good.” We see this post-modernistic reality in all areas of life including, but most definitely not limited to, the music industry which releases hit singles with the titles: “It’s all about Me, Let’s Talk about Me, Songs about Me, What About Me” and the list could go on and on.  Our culture is so egotistically absorbed with the self and what makes the self happy.  If we just follow eight simple steps or register to receive a daily email from happythoughts.com, we can achieve the ultimate state of satisfaction. However, this happiness which is referred to is only an illusion which disappears when the smoke and mirrors are gone and we find ourselves alone.

Don’t Forget What’s Right – Proverbs 10:9
It is at the point when we become more concerned about our own happiness and identify with it being okay to be self-absorbed that we forget about morals.  We cannot view things in the light of being right or wrong if we are guided by selfishness.  Black and white; good and bad; right and wrong, no longer matter.  But what begins to matter is “as long as you are happy then it’s okay”.  We forget about Godliness or better know as holiness, which in today’s society is a forgotten term.  Yet scripture still commands that we are righteous and keep His commandments in order to be happy.

Genuine Happiness – Jeremiah 29:11
When we forgo what is right in order to be happy for a moment we also forgo genuine happiness.  But what is genuine happiness?  Helen Keller once said, “Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” As Christians this worthy purpose is our relationship with Jesus Christ.  Genuine happiness is living in unity with Christ.  Yet this does not mean we live a life without trials.

If we do not have a relationship with Christ we have no purpose in our life.  When one has no purpose, hopelessness resides.  It is only when our eyes are open to this reality that we are truly happy.  It is only when we are filled with the Holy Spirit that we are happy.

Filling our God Shaped Void – John 6: 35
Without Christ we have a God shaped void, my mentor once said.  Meaning this void cannot be filled with money or success, but can only be filled by God.  Without filling this void we will continue without vial to be happy.  Therefore, it appears that Godliness is the ultimate true happiness.  If we do what is pleasing to Christ then we lead a fulfilled life which eventually leads to an eternal life for those who have this “fidelity to a worthy purpose”.   There can be nothing more satisfying than to know that we will live forever in true bliss without pain, tears, or sadness.

Epilogue
So genuine happiness is coming to the point where we can look beyond our selfishness and realize that it is not all about me in order to live a righteous lifestyle.  But the first and foremost key to the success of achieving happiness is filling our God shaped void; for without we will have truly missed the reason for our existence. Happiness is not in the material but in the spiritual.  Our earthly lives are not to be self-consumed but a mirror reflection of our eternal life of praise to our Heavenly Father.  Happiness is freedom and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Children are curious and love to find ways to express themselves.  Art is one form in which they can do so.  Art allows a child to naturally voice what they are experiencing.  What your child creates in their artwork is more than just a blob.  It perhaps is a feeling, a word, an action, a train of thought or a desire.  So take the time to listen to your child through experiencing their art world with them.  Open your mind and allow yourself to enter your child’s mind.  For it is in their art that they speak.  It is in your child’s creations that their experiences reside.

Through art children have the freedom to be themselves.  They are without limits or the constraints of the real world.  Art allows one to delve into their self to experience their creative side thus strengthening ones’ self confidence.  So when you think that your child is simply misbehaving when they draw on the walls, look at the circumstances through their eyes.  Think how they might just be trying to find a bigger canvas to express their inner feelings and creativity.  By embracing your child’s art you are embracing your child. Take the time to listen with your eyes

George Barna has rightly stated: “If you want to have a lasting influence upon the world you must invest in people’s lives; and if you want to maximize your investment, then you must invest in those lives while they are young.”

1. Alway keep in mind  it is a difficult and complex task

2. Provide a safe environment and relationship

3. Don’t force the process, there is power in simply presence

4. Be consistent at ALL times

5. Provide unconditional love

6. Empowerment instills within hope

7. Give positive praise  prior to negative acting out

8. Don’t give false hope – make only promises you can keep

9. Remember each child is unique – look at their developmental stage rather than their chronological age.

10. Allow means of release

Are you constantly wondering way you are not happy? Are you frequently unmotivated? Being in the correct profession has a significant impact on ones personal gratification in life. The following are some questions you can ask yourself to explore if you are in the best fit vocation for you.

10. Do you long to get back after taking time off?
9. Do you make excuses in order not to go into work?
8. Does someone have to constantly tell you what to do?
7. If no one is looking, do just you slack off?
6. Are you for the most part energized by what you do?
5. Would you continue with your tasks even if not a one told you, “thank you”.
4. Can you identify with what you are doing as if it is a part of yourself?
3. Would you do what you are doing regardless of whether or not you get paid?
2. Do you feel in your spirit that this is where you are called to be?
1. Do you know, that you know, that you know, that you absolutely love what you do?

If you answered, “No” to four or more of these questions, you may need to reevaluation what you do in order to achieve greater satisfaction in your life.

In today’s postmodern western context there is a great desire to become more aware of the self. Who am I? What do I want out of life? What will make me happy? These have become common questions. This fixation with introspection stems from our desire to reach a certain level of self-fulfillment. Some believe that the better they know themselves, the more likely they are to be fulfilled as individuals. Undeniably, introspection may produce a certain level of satisfaction, but there is also the danger that the more one looks inward, the less one has the ability to see through another’s eyes. When we become too consumed with ourselves, egocentrism sets in and it becomes difficult to value the opinions of others.

Having Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in mind, it appears that this desire to look inward is most prominent when basic needs have been fulfilled and an individual is comfortable and safe within a certain way of living. Thus there exists a connection between achieving self-enlightenment and having one’s needs met. It is when one is secure that he or she begins to look inward. So, if one were to be removed from his or her comfort zone it is reasonable to conclude that he or she would be more readily to look outward, beyond the self. Consequently, once one is removed from his or her comfort zone, then one becomes less concerned with the self and finds a greater appreciation for other perspectives. In other words, being away from one’s familiar context ultimately produces a greater appreciation and sensitivity for the unfamiliar.

If we reach a point of becoming so secure and comfortable that our vision of the world beyond us becomes blurred and we become immersed in our own world, then how can we reach true fulfillment? It is only when we look beyond ourselves that we are truly able to enjoy life fully. When we step out of our comfort zone our eyes are opened.

It would be safer to remain secure in our small self-centered worlds, yet this is not what God called us to do. He said go unto the uttermost parts of the world. This is a command to live outside of what is comfortable: to look beyond. We can attempt to be fulfilled or satisfied through remaining in a safe zone where all our needs are fulfilled and therefore are able to reach a certain level of enlightenment, yet regardless of how introspective we become, satisfaction can only be achieved through knowing our creator and not through knowing the creation.

So being consumed with ourselves, being safe with our lifestyles, being surrounded by what is familiar will not satisfy. It is only when we move beyond ourselves, beyond our comfort zones into the unfamiliar that we can reach true fulfillment. It is then that we are doing what creation is purposed to do and that is to go beyond the walls of comfort and security, to step out in faith and to listen to His voice to go wherever He leads and do whatever He commands.

We live in a fast-paced society where virtually everything is just a click away. With the click of a button, you can pay your bills or even have merchandise shipped to your front door without ever leaving the comforts of home. The Internet has made this and much more a reality. The number of Internet users today is reported at 972,828,001, which is 15.2% of the world’s population and the percentage of population usage growth during 2000-2005 was reported at 169.5% (Internet World Stats, 2005). As the number of Internet users across the globe continues to soar, more and more resources are becoming accessible online. The possibilities of services that can be offered on the Internet are endless. Today, one can even receive online professional services such as counseling.

Online counseling is a relatively new service. Therefore, there currently exists limited research to support or disconfirm its effectiveness. The long-term ramifications of such an experience are yet unknown. There are many concerned with the ethical dilemmas associated with online counseling. Below I will briefly explore the ethical issues centered around online counseling, beginning with a definition of a traditional counseling relationship:

A traditional counseling relationship is an interpersonal relationship between a client and counselor in which the counselor provides the client a reflection of the client’s self in a safe atmosphere in which the client feels comfortable enough to completely relay information to the counselor in order to gain order over personal conflicts.

Confidentiality:
The first and most obvious ethical dilemma with rendering mental health services over the Internet is one of confidentiality and privacy. The Internet is an open network and therefore is not secure. Consequently, when communicating through an insecure source one cannot be completely guaranteed that what is being revealed in a counseling relationship remains only in that relationship.

Because the Internet is not secure, there are numerous opportunities for an invasion of privacy. Such could occur if one were receiving counseling while at the work place where his or her email is subject to being read because it is considered company property. Other possibilities include, but are not limited to, that another could access confidential emails intentionally by eavesdropping or unintentionally if information was misdirected and intercepted.

Identification:
Another ethical issue associated with online counseling involves client and counselor identification. Without being able to confirm the identity of a client during each interaction, one cannot be certain of who is being counseled. The danger in this circumstance is that one could easily misrepresent him or herself and the counselor could be mislead to believe that he or she is counseling a particular individual when in fact this may not be the case. If this were to happen, confidential information could be unintentionally divulged to a third party.

Additionally, if the client were to misrepresent his or her own identity, for instance their sex or ethnicity, this could be just as damaging and could hinder the counseling process. If a counselor does not fully know with whom he or she is working, then the story which is being revealed by the client cannot appropriately be put into context, thus resulting in misinterpretation of what the client is communicating.

Virtual Relationship:
One of the most common negative results of interacting online is the phenomenon of being in a virtual relationship. Both the counselor as well as the client are in a sense unreal, they are simply “cyber-beings” as the author likes to describe them. Being in a virtual relationship causes an individual to have no sense of commitment to the counseling process. The client is simply writing another email via a keyboard and has minimum personal connection to the counselor.

Due to the lack of a personal relationship with the counselor, a client may be more easily offended by the advice that is given in an online counseling session. A client may feel that a cyber-being has no right to become so personal. If this is the case, then a client may also be more apt to end the relationship either temporarily or permanently by simply clicking a button.

The first and foremost responsibility of a counselor is to protect the welfare of his or her client. Yet, if one is counseling a virtual person then it is nearly impossible to be able to ensure the client’s safety. A counselor does not even truly know whom they are counseling or the location of the client’s residence. With this being the case, a counselor cannot intervene if a client is a danger to him or herself or others. A counselor’s hands are tied when it comes to his or her “Duty to Warn.”

Dishonesty:
As a result of communicating over an insecure source to a cyber-being, a client receiving online services may not be willing to be straightforward about all information. Additionally, when information is shared with a lack of commitment to the counseling process this could lead the client to actually falsify information. Not only is there a danger that a client might be misleading or may even lie, but there is also the risk that a client could intentionally leave out parts of his or her story. A client may feel the need to be deceitful due to the fact that he or she may fear a breach of confidentiality or simply feel no responsibility to be honest because no personal relationship exists between counselor and client. If this is the case, then the counselor cannot work at full capacity because of a lack of all the pieces of the client’s history.

Dishonesty leads to confusion which makes the counseling process difficult if not impossible. If a client were able to be assured that what is said would stay only between counselor and client, then there would be more freedom to be completely honest. Also, if a client were in a face-to-face relationship, they may perhaps feel more of an obligation to be upfront.

Lack of Nonverbals:
Nearly 94 percent of all communication is nonverbal. We communicate with our facial expressions, posture, eye contact and so forth. Needless to say, reading nonverbals is an essential element of counseling. If one is being counseled online, these nonverbals are unobservable and such is detrimental to the counseling process. Nonverbals which cannot be observed during an online session are nervous behaviors, whether eye contact is maintained, angle and distance of body in relationship to the counselor, etc. Also, a client may be typing content which appears to be uplifting, but at the same time may be crying. Conversely, a client may be typing distraught messages but may be laughing while doing so. Such is evident of inappropriate affect and is a good indicator of possible mental diagnoses.

Abandonment Issues:
Another responsibility of the counselor is to not abandon a client. Yet, abandonment may be impossible to avoid when counseling occurs online due to the instability of the Internet. Communication could be hindered because of technology failures or glitches or as a result of a poor Internet connection.

If a relationship is suddenly ended for any reason, it would be almost, if not, impossible for a counselor to get back in touch with his or her client due to the fact that in an online counseling relationship the client is anonymous in most of the cases; thus making abandonment impossible to avoid. Furthermore, if a client were to abruptly leave a counseling session after threatening to harm him or herself or others, then not having the ability to protect your client would be the ultimate case of abandonment.

Conclusion:
There appears to be many “ifs” in the ethical dilemma of online counseling and not enough certainty. “If” we as counselors could guarantee the privacy of our clients, “if” we could make certain of who we are counseling, “if” our client is completely truthful and “if” we were guaranteed they would not terminate before a session is over, then there would be little debate over whether online counseling should be attempted. Nevertheless, as of now, the “ifs” do exist.

Counseling, whether online or in person, involves much responsibility. When counseling an individual, you are placed in a position where you are a major influence in that person’s life. A counselor holds much control over the mental health of another. If Internet counseling is attempted, it should only be done by a competent professional who is well-educated in the field and should only be done via secure websites or with an encryption technological e-mail communication application.

Counseling online is a great responsibility as is counseling an individual face to face. As well, such a relationship should be treated with the highest ethical professionalism. Regardless of that an online client is communicating in a virtual world, his or her problems are still very much real.

Reference

Internet World Stats (2005). Usage and Population Statistics, downloaded from http://www.Internetworldstats.com/stats.htm on 12/2/05. 10 a.m.

DATE WRITTEN:  January 17, 2006

According to the New International Version of the Bible, Psalms 127:3 states, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.” A child is a precious gift directly from God and therefore should be greatly appreciated, cared for and helped in all ways possible. My philosophy on how to best help a child is as simple as remembering your “ABC’s”: “Admit”, “Believe” and “Care”.

1) Admit: a child is a real person with real problems and needs one on whom to depend.

In experiencing everyday life one needs to admit the reality that is at hand. By this I mean, be aware that we do not live in a make-believe fairytale that can be scripted to our liking. When considering the life of a child, facing reality is crucial. First, one must admit that a child does not have a choice of whether or not to enter the world or to whom or where to be born. Yet the fact remains that the birth of a child is a real occurrence. Be reminded that existence is not the fault of a child and blame of being born should not be placed upon a child. Beyond the fairytale, in the real world, a child will have real problems and these need real solutions. This brings me to my second point of admitting that a child can and will have problems. Never underestimate what a child is going through by considering it insignificant.

To a child, even what may appear to be the smallest dilemma can be disturbing. Third, admit that, wanted or unwanted, pleasant or unpleasant, since a child is a real person with real problems he or she needs to have an individual upon whom to depend; a person to whom problems can be brought. A child needs this stability in order to have a feeling of security. Remember that you can be that special someone who can make a difference in the life of a child simply by being available; physically, as well as emotionally.

2) Believe: in a child and support him or her no matter how many imperfections are present.

When a person has someone to believe in him or her, this provides to that individual what I like to call a “reach the sky” potential. A feeling of self-worth is instilled within those who are believed in and supported. Therefore, it is important to believe in a child, whatever his or her potential may be. Believing must also involve acceptance. One must accept a child as a unique individual who is human. Being human involves imperfections and when evaluating a child we should not expect perfection. When dealing with a child, allow for failure with acceptance. This acceptance of imperfections needs to be followed by approval. Not approval of failing, but approval of the child. Accept the total child with flaws and all. Let the child know that even when failure comes about he or she is still supported and loved. Believe in a child even in the midst of failure. One must believe in a child’s capabilities and support his or her actions and decisions but this should be done with the child’s best interest at heart.

3) Care: for a child with genuine affection.

Finally, to best help a child, show genuine concern and affection. Show a child that you really care. As humans, we are emotional beings and each of us has a need for affection. According to Maslow, affection is the third level in his hierarchy of needs. The first level in Maslow’s hierarchy is physiological needs and the second is the need for safety. Although it is third on the list, I would argue that it is of no lesser value than the need for one’s physiological or safety needs to be met. The need for affection must be satisfied for an individual to feel content with him or herself and eventually in the words of Maslow to become “self-actualized”. It is in my opinion that the need for affection is one of humanities most important needs. It is very important in the early development of a child’s life that affection is given. Without this, development is hindered. If one does not receive affections from others as a child then that individual will not properly know how to give or receive affection. With affection, comes the sense of purpose.

Without affection, the opposite is true, and this will result in the search for belongingness. The manner in which a child can be told that he or she is cared for can be done in many more ways than just words. Words must be followed by actions. Listening, being available, and paying attention to a child are all ways of saying “I care”.

Conclusion:

Ways to best help a child are among the simplest. It is important to take preventative measure that aim to protect a child and allow that child to have the emotional strength to function. If we instill within a child positive investments, which are, found with in the “ABC’s” discussed above, as the child becomes an adult he or she can use these qualities to counterweigh the negative aspects that unfortunately exist.

DATE WRITTEN:  January 28, 2004

The manner in which God works is unexplainable and incomprehensible to the human mind. His ways are not our ways. Yet, ultimately in the midst of what appears to be chaos or random acts, His ways are always immaculately planned and in perfect order. At times we may complain because we fail to understand why certain things happen, nevertheless eventually, we realize that everything occurs for a reason because He is One who all knowingly holds the future in his Hand and has an ultimate Divine plan. When reviewing the past, we recognize that situations have occurred in order to place us at the exact place and time and in the exact mindset in which God intended us to be.

If we were able to glimpse a blueprint of God’s ultimate plan, likely greater confusion than enlightenment would ensue. Our innate human nature would cause us to desire a sense of security regarding our actions before we even initiate them. Logical reasoning would demand that we create a strategic plan. Yet, there are times when we need to forgo plans, models, and traditions and simply allow the Holy Spirit to lead us. When God commands us to move forward we need to do so and be vulnerable to His will without being certain. We need to disregard our human agendas and do what God tells us, go where he leads us and say what he directs us to say; even if this means being unconfident in ourselves. Of course this means that we may not know how to do what he wants, not know how to get where he has directed us and not know how to say what He wants us to say. As His Word promises, He will provide a way where there is no way and will give us the right words to say at the moment He wants us to say them.

Is it not best to be lead by His spirit, not being certain of what will take place and have His will be done than to go by our human agendas, being certain in ourselves and miss the mark. Be assured that God does not need our help and just as His ways are not ours, our ways are not His ways and attempting to force our schemas will only bring chaos to His perfect plan.

DATE WRITTEN: September 14, 2005

Moral development is defined as the development regarding rules and conventions about what people should do in their interactions with other people. Such development involves the development of thoughts, feelings and actions concerning standards or what is right and wrong, which includes an interpersonal and intrapersonal dimension. The intrapersonal dimension accounts for ones actions when they are not engaged socially and the opposite is true for explaining the interpersonal dimension.

The social learning theory suggests that we learn via social experiences. Meaning our behaviors and actions result from what we model from others. Therefore, the social learning theory might explain moral development in children as a result of modeling observed moral behaviors and actions. When a child is provided with models that behave morally, that child is prone to adopt the observed actions.

Social learning theorists believe that moral behavior is influenced by a particular situation and that ones ability to resist temptation is closely correlated with self-control. Therefore, a child must be taught to control impulses, learn to be patient and to delay being gratified. This is best done through role modeling and providing appropriate examples. It is also suggested that when a child is rewarded for acting out a modeled behavior the likelihood of that behavior re-occurring increases. The opposite is also true; when the behavior is punished or not rewarded then the behavior will likely decrease. Therefore, it is crucial to not only provide a child with the appropriate models, but a child must be encourage for acting out moral behaviors in order to understand that such behavior is a good thing.

However, when there is no reward present is when this intrapersonal dimension comes into play. This is when one does moral acts for the sake of doing what is right. It is important to instruct a child at an early age and instill within them this concept of right and wrong in order for one to act morally when it is thought that no one is watching. When no one is watching is when the true sense of morals arises.

DATE WRITTEN:  July 18, 2006