Caring for the Soul

Water is a chemical substance with the formula H2O meaning its molecule contains one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms connected by covalent bonds. All are vital to sustain life. Deprived of oxygen our immune system and health greatly suffers. As for hydrogen it is what helps to break down fat and protein in the stomach and to stimulate production of energy. When you think of water you have to think of all its elements and understand each of their functions. Water exists in three states, liquid, solid, and gas or sometimes referred to as an invisible vapor which exists in the air. Water covers over 70% of the earth’s surface and it on average composes 66% of the human body.

H2O is the source of life for without it, creation could not exist. Scriptures read to “let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life…” It is most interesting the importance the Lord places on this fascinating substance. Water is mentioned in the Bible over 700 times. It is considered a purifier in most religions and we see this in Christianity with water baptism. In John 3:5, Jesus says to Nicodemous that “Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.” In Exodus 30:18, we see how the priests were to wash their hands and feet before entering the tabernacle so they would not die. The Garden of Eden was “watered with a river that flowed through it” so that it did not die as so are the Heavens. Water is the source of life in many manners both in physical and spiritual realms.

When reading in Genesis, on the first day of creation the Bible says that the Lord spoke into existence light, “let there be light”. Then there was night and day and on the second day the Bible says that the Lord said to “Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water”. This is very interesting and confusing how He said to separate “water” from itself, while at the same time placing an emphasis on water. Yet, keep in mind that here in Genesis 1:6 it does not say that the Lord said let there be water and remember that water was of such importance that it was mentioned in the second verse of the Bible. In Genesis 1:2 it says that “the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters”. The Bible appears to be telling us that perhaps water was already in existence. Why? Why is water so important? What is the importance of God’s spirit moving upon the surface of a molecule with oxygen and hydrogen, the same element that makes up gas clouds and stars?

In John 4:7, Jesus refers to Himself as the water, which if you drink you will never thirst again. In Jeremiah 2:13, He refers to Himself as the fountain of living water. In Revelation 21:17, He refers to Himself as the water of life. Since God has always been in existence perhaps water has been in existence as one with Him. He, as the Trinity, is like that of the three atoms which make up the chemical substance of water; Father, Son and Holy Ghost or solid, liquid and gas. The Father remains in Heaven on His thrown as He sends the liquid state of His Son down to earth to be sacrificed for the sins of His earthly children and returns to the Father in order to send the gaseous state, the Holy Spirit to be our comforter.

We also see the significance of water with the great flood in Genesis when the floodgates of the heavens were opened. God came down to earth through means of rain or water to destroy His creation with a following promise to never come via this means again. Even the promise which was revealed to His people was a form of water, the vaporous form of the rainbow. God’s actions perhaps divulge that He knew He would later come through another means by sending His Son to the earth to save humanity from their sins. And this plan included His son having to ascend back to Heaven in order for Him to come to earth via another means of sending the Holy Spirit.

And when we are all together in Heaven, Revelations tells us that there will be no more sea but there will be a river which flows from the thrown room of God. And this river will be our eternal source of life and we will never thirst again. One day there will be no need for musing or explaining. It will be clear of the Biblical significance of water. Enlightenment will replace confusion. We will be one with God and He will be one with us.

Written: 9/18/2010

I recently sat in a lecture “Why Are Youth Leaving the Church?” I listened to the most recent statistics, compared one opinion to the next, looked at the latest church involvement research and even explored some emerging themes of why people in general leave the faith. All the information was very interesting and contained an impressive collaboration of ideas. The research does not lie and opinions are to be valued. However, honestly what good does this enlightenment do us when we sit back and do nothing to correct the problem? We are so used to youth leaving our church that we have become complacent with pews filled with “ancient dinosaurs” in the words of a young lady just last week. We have become so overwhelmed with data that we forget to look at the real picture of why our next generation of leaders are leaving. Or perhaps we do nothing because we simply don’t understand young people’s true motivation for leaving the church. The answers may be uncomfortable for some but they deserve deeper exploration.

Youth are leaving the church but this does not necessarily mean they all are leaving the faith. Many young people of today have much more faith than some of the pew fillers whom have their assigned seats with their pillows and blankets left to save their spots. So if this is the case that they still have a genuine relationship with Christ but simply don’t want to be within the four walls of religion, so to speak, should we not explore the million dollar question differently? We should not excuse away their leaving to agnosticism, postmodernism or neopaganism regardless of how cleverly it takes the focus off of the real concerns and sins of the “church.” It is not a very popular idea to confess the sins of the church which is ironic when we proclaim to be a house of confession. Perhaps confession is only good for the soul as long as the sins are not our own. Behind the irony rests a darker problem, one that is responsible for many young people leaving the church.

For years the church has been a place of hypocrisy and today’s young generation is one that is fed up with the dishonesty and is willing to take a stand. They are so disgusted they can no longer keep silent. They are not willing to “tweak the numbers” of the church financial records or work their way up the hierarchical ladder. They see through the masks and are not willing to compromise. Young people are tired of religious politics, bickering, back stabbing and lying. If we, the church, do not open our eyes to this now, if not yesterday, it will be too late.

This young generation is wandering looking for a place of refuge and they no longer find a safe place in the church house. The church regrettably is no longer safe. You cannot genuinely express your feelings, concerns or doubts without them being the topic of the message on the following Sunday morning. There is no longer trust within the church. The place of worship has turned into a place of gossip. A spiritual encounter has been replaced with a social gathering. The leadership of the Holy Spirit is no longer considered because we are too busy worrying about the opinions of others. So if by now you are still puzzled as to why the today’s youth are leaving the church then my heart is deeply saddened.

Nevertheless, we need to make a self-less effort and remember that the church does not exist for our personal entertainment. Realize it is not a prize to possess but is a treasure to be given away to the next generation. We must do whatever it takes to restore the tabernacle to its original purpose; to call its people back to holiness. We must be willing to give up our seat to the next generation before it is too late and there is no body left willing to fill the void.

Postscript: This article was written based on the following word the Lord gave me June, 2011: “The Church is not a prize to possess but is a treasure to give away”.

If you are reading this article I don’t even need to tell you the statistics related to public speaking. You already know that it is the number one fear even above the fear of dying. Why is this? Why can we overcome jumping out of plains or driving 100 mph but not conquer the small step going in front of not even two and a half people and one of them is our spouse? In the tone of Seinfeld, What is up with public speaking? We know how to speak and we know how to be in public but we can’t do both at the same time.

This fear of public speaking is one that paralyzes some to the point they cannot breath, see and sometimes hear what is going on around them. Some experience the fear so great that they will pass out or tremble to the point of nearly passing out. Those knees for some reason just can’t take people staring at them from a distance. So how do we make our knees strong, how to we put a leash on our out of control heart beat, our shaking hands and our trembling voice. Well the answer is simple … never ever again go in front of absolutely anybody to speak. Simple enough and my job is done. Thank you for reading and continue looking for my latest work, Spitting In the Soup: Famous Techniques of Adlerian Therapy.

Now honestly we know that this can never happen. We cannot remain in bondage by our emotions and fears. We have to find ways that work for us to overcome them. We are in control of our lives and not vice-a-versa. The following are some steps and suggestions that you can take in order to overcome the fear of the dreadful public speaking.

SEE THE REAL PICTURE

First of all it is important that we see circumstances realistically. If we allow our mind to blow things out of proportion then we have already lost the battle. So remember you are not going war or performing a life-threatening surgery, you are just talking in front of people. Big deal! You talk to people everyday and the only small difference is that there might be a few more than you are used to and that they are sitting facing you in a very intimidating position having their hands folded and their legs crossed and some may not even be paying attention. It’s really okay. Don’t let your thoughts distract you. Disregard the voice which suggests you must not be doing a good job because the audience doesn’t even having the decency to look at you while you are talking. Just because your audience isn’t making eye contact doesn’t mean they aren’t paying attention and just because some aren’t paying attention doesn’t mean you are boring. Well at least this is the theory.

BE INTRIGUING

If by chance you are boring, change something up or you will never conquer this fear. Nobody wants to waist their time listen to an unconfident drab. It is extremely mind-numbing to listen to a monotone voice. Quite frankly I have listen to some speakers whom have no other that an impressive gift of curing insomnia. Five minutes into the “whont, whont, whont”, I’m sound asleep. Just the tone and frequency of your voice will determine the attention level of your audience. Learn how to project your voice and control your pitch. If you doubt this to be true, observe child-adult interactions closely and you will notice the difference. People enjoy a calm, soothing, lower toned voice rather than a high pitch fast one. Use pictures, use PowerPoint’s, use some sort of illustrations if you have to. These techniques will actually assist you to gain your composure. If people are looking at your visual aids or the lights are off due to the use of technology then all eyes are not on you. Some will even begin with passing out a handout which not only helps the listener follow but diverts attention. Ice breaker activities also will have the same results and allow a nervous persona to adjust to being in front of a crowd. Perhaps even try changing the flow of your talk every 5-15 minutes depending on the length. Ones attention span is not like it used to be.

CONTROL YOUR BREATHING

The secrete in the art of public speaking is breathing. Well duh, hum. Now you are thinking, do I even need to read further. Of course the choice is up to you. And for those of you whom have continued on I truly feel for you because if you are still reading then this means that you are really struggling with this fear and have tried everything imaginable and have said, “Hey reading a few more pages can’t hurt”. Do you like so far how I have broken the flow of this piece to make it much more intriguing? We all know this “secret”, but for some reason we don’t practice it, why? For a lot of us we don’t know how to breathe. This is as I have already said an art. If you learn how to breathe properly and take in deep breaths and exhale through your nose you will get the needed oxygen to your brain which will help control most important your heart rate and also help with dry mouth and scratchy throat. By simply taking two deep breaths at the beginning of your speech can help you master this fear of choking in a literal sense. And remember even if you do choke, it’s not the end of the world. On a side note, if you do know that you suffer from dry mouth always have a bottle of water handy.

AVOID THE “WHAT IF” TRAP

You have to gain the confidence to overlook all of these “what if” scenarios. If you are obsessed with thinking about whether or not the audience thinks your jokes are funny or if they like you or if they think you said something stupid then you will never be able to give your attention to giving the best speech. You cannot worry about what if you trip walking up to the stage or what if you have something in your teeth, just keep trucking. When you are engaged in public speaking you have to only be worried about one person’s opinion and that is yours. You are not going to be so successful that you please 100% of the people at 100% of the time. Not even the greatest speakers of all time can accomplish this. So set realistic expectations for yourself. However this is not to say that you should go on a whim and not check for the broccoli between your teeth.

SET REALISTIC GOALS

Also keep in mind how much time you are given to speak so you can keep your pace. Know that if you have five points and that you have be given twenty-five minutes to present these points you need to take five minutes per point in order to get done on time. If you find yourself after fifteen minute being on your first point you should pick up the pace in order not to get nervous at the end of your time. If you have set realistic goals of how much you will be able to cover in a certain time frame then you will not feel overwhelmed and this will take of some pressure before hand. You cannot present your research findings of three years in three minutes and you cannot have three minutes worth of information to cover a 30 minute time slot. In order to perfect this skill, one has to rehearse in real time and not just imagine what you think you will say. Sometimes it sounds all great in our head but when it actually comes out it is quite different and it takes a completely different amount of time than thought.

BE OVERLY PREPARED

You can never be too prepared. To be a successful orator you have to be prepared, especially if you have nerve issues. If you know exactly what you are going to say, at what moment you are going to say it, and have rehearsed your talk several hundred times then your speech will in a way go on an auto pilot in order for you to gain your composure and overcome your nerves. If you are able to accomplish this success at the very beginning of your talk then you will notice that your heart beat will begin to decrease and your voice will get clearer and this in turn gives you great confidence to continue and will give you the most needed tool, a clear head. Here comes a really good tip, when you have a clear head, you can think. When you can think you can talk logically and not ramble and this all has to do with being prepared and not only with what you are going to say, but with what PowerPoint or note you will use, what handouts you will give and if you will or will not use any public speaking techniques.

BE AWARE OF SURROUNDINGS

Another important note is that you should be aware of your environmental surroundings. It will give you peace of mind to know exactly in which room or location you will be talking. This way you will not have to stress over being late or not being able to find the location. Is this room well lit so you can read your notes, is it cool, where are the air vents. Then make sure you are not standing under a vent if you know this will mess up your throat or cause your voice to tremble. Or the opposite may be true if you are a hot natured person. Be aware of where people will be entering and exiting the location of your talk in order that you are the farthest way so it will distract you the least. Also, if you are using a laptop you need to be positioned and know where the nearest power source is. This awareness can prevent a major mental breakdown when your laptop dyes and you start crying in front of everybody. So in order to accomplish all of these minor, but major tasks it is crucial that you take the necessary steps to be on time. This will allow you a moment to regain your composure and help your body acclimate to the environment and not experience of shock of coming from a hot outdoors to a cold inside or vice-a-versa. It will also allow you time to converse with the people whom you will be speaking in front of so that you can see that they are just normal people like yourself and not super smart critics that just came to make fun of you.

DO SELF TALK

As long as it’s not out loud so people won’t think you are coo-coo, you might want to try some self talk. Yes I know it sounds funny but we all do it and it doesn’t make you crazy. Tell yourself, it’s going to be okay, this is not as scary as you thinking, even rehearse your lines in your head, or maybe even tell yourself once I do awesome, I’m going for ice cream. But seriously a nice reinforcement to look forward to following all of your hard preparation could be just the needed motivator for success. It is also helpful to envision the end goal. If you can convince yourself that you will be successful then there is a greater likelihood you will be successful.

FIND OUT WHAT WORKS FOR YOU

One helpful sight to overcoming the fear of public speaking is to know yourself. Observe what makes you nervous and what makes you calm. Maybe if your fear is associated with low self confidence then perhaps you should take time to pamper yourself before you get up in front of people. Or if you are introverted then maybe you need to reserve your energy and go to a quite secluded place just before you speak. Everybody is different. Everybody experiences the fear of public speaking differently.

GO SLOW

If you know that you will have difficulties with even getting the first word to come out of your mouth, don’t panic. Allow yourself a few seconds to get used to being in front of everybody. They are not going anywhere and they can wait. These few seconds, what might seem to you as a lifetime, are really just a few seconds. And keep this in mind when you feel that you are struggling for a word and you think you are taking a half an hour to come up with it this is just your nerves talking and you should put them on their leash; because if you don’t take the time to go slowly you will not be able to continue.

EMBRACE THE BUTTERFLY

Just like any fear, the fear of public speaking can be overcome. And this is not accomplished by avoiding the fear. It is overcome by facing the fear head on. The more opportunities you have to speak, the better. It will get easier. Your hands will begin to be less sweaty and your voice will become clearer the more you practice speaking in front of people. However, do this the smart way. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Start small. Being wise and you will be successful. This success will not come overnight but remember you have to be realistic, be open to learning, and keep on trying. The butterfly in your stomach is a good thing. It is good stress. It is what keeps us on our toes and reminds us that we will always be more successful when we are prepared. It is when the butterflies fly away that we should be worried. So let us appreciate their fluttering wings and remember that this is just a normal part of life.

Things to Consider Before Going on a Mission Trip:

1. Be informed about the cultural differences of the people you are trying to reach because your good intentions may be misunderstood and even offend.
2. Keep in mind you are not going on a site-seeing tour but are going to help others see the true light.
3. Just because something makes sense in your language doesn’t mean it will make sense interpreted into a foreign language. Clichés are to be avoided.
4. Remember that you are going to lift up others and not yourself. The song that says “It’s all about YOU” is actually referring to Christ.
5. Consider that the people you are ministering to are real and not objects to be put on display in a savvy PowerPoint when returning home from your trip.
6. Just because you go to a foreign country doesn’t make you a missionary.
7. It is when you put yourself in the shoes of the people you are helping that you just may learn some do not even have shoes to wear.
8. Aid is not the answer to all problems. Sometimes the people you are going to assist have real problems and spiritual needs.
9. It is not the power of earthly money that saves souls, but the power of a Heavenly Father.
10. There is a major difference between being “mission-minded” and being an international worker.

I was recently asked to explain the difference between character and personality and if God can change either. The following was my response.

First of all of course there is a difference between character and personality – this is why they are called with different terms and the person who uses them interchangeable does not really understand the terms. Character cannot include personality, but personality must include the capacities of character and not be limited by them.

Personality is deeper than character. It is the innate characteristic of an individual which makes him/her unique and subjective. So this is the way God made you like you were saying. But some theories say that personality can actually be changed over time this is why people go to psychotherapy and of course your character can change (honesty, enthusiasm, etc, being shaped by your individual experiences- VERY IMPORTANT). And this is very interesting that there are two factors for “personality change”: 1) Major personality change involves some sort of intense affective or feeling process occurring in the individual and 2) Major personality change occurs nearly always in the context of an ongoing personal relationship. Hum, does this sound familiar? Another interesting point which some theories suggest is that “Sometimes personality degenerates into character, or character matures into personality in the same person”. But if you really think about it, God can do whatever he wants and he can change both character and/or personality if he chooses and to say He can’t would be limiting His Omnipotency. I hope you find this helpful.

Motivation has been explored from the beginning of time. Questions such as “What is motivation?” and “How can one become motivated?” continue to be discussed and analyzed. Many theories of how to motivate individuals exist. Some authorities feel that the key to motivation is the use of a reward system in which an individual is enticed to act by an external motivator. Conversely, other experts believe in the concept of “self-talk” where one simply talks positively to become motivated from within. Scholars continue to debate the sources of motivation, both external and internal. Before exploring the various routes to achieving motivation, the question “What is motivation?” must be addressed. Motivation has been described in a variety of ways. From a Christian perspective, motivation can be defined as occurring when an individual is convinced of the appropriateness and urgency of Christian goals, to the degree that he or she is driven not from without but from within to act, and continues to act in order to reach these goals, despite what others do or think.

In order to understand motivation, one must be aware of the sources of motivation. These include those that arise from within oneself and those that derive from external factors. One of the main sources of external motivation is an external financial incentive. Other external motivators include social pressure as well as attractive or magnetic personalities. Some personalities have the ability to attract individuals who may fail to consider the implications of becoming enticed. External motivators inspire individuals to act first and think later. In such cases, one is solely motivated by the external incentive. Alternatively, individuals may experience genuine motivation, which comes from within oneself.

Before addressing how to become genuinely motivated, a further distinction must be made between “internal motivation” and “external motivation.” Internal motivation is what the author considers to be true motivation due to the fact that it is internally generated and not externally stimulated. For example, an individual becomes enthusiastic or excited about a cause merely due to a personal interest in that cause or an individual may become passionate about performing a task simply because it is something that is a part of that individual because of a choice which he or she has made to identify with that task and not because of any external incentive.

On the other hand, the author views external motivation as an artificial stimulus. External motivation is artificial in the sense that it produces emotional stimulation which may lead to excitement without creating an awareness of the true source of such feelings. In other words, support or positive reinforcement from others may create a feeling of motivation which may dissipate once the external source is removed. An example of external motivation is verbal praise or financial reinforcements. External motivation is based on external incentives. One may find him or herself asking the question, “What is in it for me?” External motivation causes one to become consumed with personal rewards, rather than focusing on the goal at hand. Nevertheless, it is important to note that in the early stages of motivation, people may need emotional support or encouragement from others in order to promote action. However, individuals are not truly motivated as defined above, unless their actions are produced by internal motives regardless of the presence of support from others.

Sequence of Internal Motivation:
Internal motivation is produced through a five stage sequence: (1) Informed, (2) Interested, (3) Identification, (4) Internal Passion, and (5) Internal Motivation. The first stage involves the initial process of becoming aware. Awareness requires a time of enlightenment. This may take place by various means, including but not limited to learning through verbal communication or through media forms such as handout literature. It is important to note that if one is not cognizant of the reasons he or she performs certain actions, there may be consequences when one discovers that manipulation rather than motivation has occurred. True motivation involves both understanding the purpose and reasoning behind actions.

The second stage involves one becoming interested. This occurs after enlightenment when one makes a choice to further invest of him or herself. At this stage, there is a level of curiosity due to the desire to obtain more information. He or she may become personally intrigued by the obtained information and feel like such sounds like or defines who he or she is.

After obtaining the information necessary to understand why he or she is about to make an investment, the individual proceeds to stage three. During this period, an individual will begin to identify with what he or she just learned. He or she will begin to embrace the cause as part of his or her person. It is important to note that in order to be motivated about a cause you have to identify with that cause. When you identify with something, the identified aspect becomes a part of your being, resulting in a sense of belongingness. If you begin to identify with being a “counselor,” then counseling becomes a part of your total being.

The fourth stage, internal passion, begins with an igniting spark. This is the preliminary occurrence that is needed in order to instigate motivation within an individual. However, it is important that this spark does not become consuming. A balance between one’s passion or motivating force and one’s being or person needs to exist. This is crucial so that one does not become burnt out or tired because too much emphasis has been placed on one aspect while the other aspects of life have been forgotten. For example, this may occur if a counselor places a great deal of emphasis on the occupation and forgets about the personal walk with Christ or the responsibilities associated with being a family person.

Becoming internally motivated is the final stage. At this stage, one has a desire to do something solely for the love of it; thus achieving genuine internal motivation. This motivation is not reliant on external rewards but originates solely from within the individual. The significance of internal motivation is that this motivation drives one regardless of the opinions or actions of others. A person will perform an action merely because it is something that he or she is called to do and not because of reliance on secular reinforcements.

Nurturing Ongoing Motivation
Even though one may possess internal motivation, he or she eventually may move from being internally motivated, to externally motivated when personal drive or passion comes no longer from within, but rather from external factors such as the praise of others. When one places too much emphasis on the opinions of others, it is easy to lose sight of the origin of one’s passion. That which originally came from within now is being influenced by external factors. Once external factors become nonexistent; one is no longer rewarded for what he or she is doing. When having moved to being externally motivated and one finds themselves no longer receiving external reinforcements is when burnout or becoming tired occurs.

When one continues to act with little or no reinforcement, a crisis may result. An individual may begin to wonder why he or she continues to engage in an act if no one seems to appreciate the effort. Therefore, in order to prevent this burning out or moving away from being internally motivated and losing one’s desire to move forward when external reinforcements are not present, it is important that one revisit his or her initial passion and move away from having to rely on external factors to influence action. This period of retaining one’s internal motivational state involves a weaning process where people re-learn to live based on what God wants rather than on social reasoning.

Steps for Burnt-out Prevention

Let me begin by saying that speaking on behalf of those in the helping profession, I can attest that counseling is a very rewarding experience for therapists. We find ourselves encouraged by the reality that the time we invest in our clients, changes this person’s life for the better. We witness how our gift of helping assists one to no longer be afraid of going out in public and it allows another to work through their relationship difficulties in order to save their marriage. However, counseling, as well know, is a process which can take months or even years.

It is on this journey that we take with our clients that we face many emotionally draining moments. These moments include our clients entrusting us with their burdens which become heavy to carry. This process of counseling is not always filled with successes. We hear our clients’ pain and we feel our clients’ pain as if it is our own. There are even occasions when our client’s regress. These are the difficult moments in which we as therapists feel yet more so responsible for what our clients are experiencing. Then we even begin to question our own abilities. So regardless of the resulting reward of counseling, it is a very challenging profession which expects many demands; physical, emotional and spiritual. Day after day the therapist is ethically required to put the needs of his or her clients above the needs of their own.

Yet, it is inevitable that if one continues to suppress their needs and take on stress without properly managing the tension, it will result in burnt-out. So knowing this, we should ask the question, “What can be done about it?” How can a person in the helping profession prevent reaching the point of burnt-out? The following are a few insights to assist in this process.

Be attentive of your needs
It is among the prime responsibilities of a helper to be aware of and attentive to their own needs. This often is the most difficult task. As we are programmed to be aware of the needs of others, we often find it foreign to tend to ourselves. But, it is only when your personal needs are taken care of that you will be able to provide the best possible treatment for your clients. In simple terms, if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of another.

If you find yourself not having time to take care of yourself then it is crucial that you make the time. This may include rearranging your schedule or learning the ever hard word, “No”. Keep in mind that when you are emotionally and physically exhausted you could be doing more harm than good to your clients.

Recognizing the first signs of stress
Not everyone reacts to stress in the same manner. So it is important that you be able to recognize your personal signs of stress whether it is that you become easily frustrated or the complete opposite of that you simply begin to not care or feel hopeless. Or you may find yourself at first having a hard time concentrating. Some people sleep a lot while others cannot sleep at all. On a more personal level you may find yourself neglecting yourself and family or avoiding activities you enjoy.

Yet, however you experience stress the resulting effects can have a negative impact on not only yourself but on your clients as well if not dealt with properly. According to the article in the Medical Economics “Do you care too much” by G. Weiss, one of the most dangerous results of stress is that a helper could experience what is know as compassion fatigue in which they begin to have unrealistic expectations of their clients. This in turn could lead to a tendency to push clients to resolve issues before they are ready. And this is only one of the many resulting negative effects if a helper does not recognize their own signs of stress.

Establish realistic expectations
It is very easy for a person in the helping profession to become overwhelmed. It is the hardest task to turn someone away whom needs your assistance. However, unfortunately as much as we would like, we cannot help everyone. And this is something that we have to come to terms with in order to prevent burnt-out. It is important that we establish realistic expectations which include boundaries and limits. We cannot be on call 24/7. We need to learn to separate our professional obligations from our personal lives.

Find a release
Without an appropriate and healthy way of releasing the tensions or stressors that accumulate into stress one will become anxious to the point of alienating oneself from others. When this happens one enters a vicious downward spiral which becomes difficult to get out of. If one becomes alienated they have no support system to help them recover. Therefore, it is essential that one find appropriate ways of releasing stress even if it is just doing small things every once and a while so stress doesn’t build up. The key to this step is not only finding that release, but actually taking the time to do it.

Take advantage of resources
No matter how strong you think you are, you are never too strong to ask for help. We are only human and should not be embarrassed when we do not know it all. It is our ultimate gold to provide the best care for our clients and this cannot be accomplished without resources. Resources allow you to not be alone when encountering the burdens of your clients. And just as your clients talk to you about their problems you should also have someone to talk to about your problems.

Epilogue
Burnt-out Prevention is a topic which has received much attention within these past recent years. We are becoming somewhat of experts on the topic when it comes to assisting clients through the prevention process. Yet when it comes to our own lives we overlook the need for such an essential act. In order that we are most helpful we must learn how to prevent burnt-out for ourselves. And it is not enough to know what steps to take, we actually have to be proactive and take the time to make the needed steps.

I remember when I was a child I would go to Vacation Bible School every summer.  There we would sing the song “When you’re Happy and You Know It”.  It’s a fun song which most people have heard at least once if not one too many times as the song repeats itself over and over.  You clap your hands, then stomp your feet and it just makes you feel good.    If you were not happy before singing the song you will be by the time it’s over.  Happiness is a good thing.  It cures the soul.  It’s when we are happy that we are most successful and fulfilled.  However, ironically enough, happiness is not always a good thing.

It’s Not All about Me – Matthew 20: 1-16
When we occupy ourselves with reaching the state of being happy we lose sight of the true meaning of happiness.   We become so engrossed in the search itself that we become inwardly focused and self-absorbed. True happiness must be outwardly focused.  We cannot truly be content if we are possessed with a self-consumed mentality that causes us to forget about others. Happiness is coming to the point of realizing that it is not all the time about me.

Look Beyond the Self – Luke 15:11-32
Yet it is so hard to look beyond the self in such a post-modern culture which says, “Do whatever makes you feel good.” We see this post-modernistic reality in all areas of life including, but most definitely not limited to, the music industry which releases hit singles with the titles: “It’s all about Me, Let’s Talk about Me, Songs about Me, What About Me” and the list could go on and on.  Our culture is so egotistically absorbed with the self and what makes the self happy.  If we just follow eight simple steps or register to receive a daily email from happythoughts.com, we can achieve the ultimate state of satisfaction. However, this happiness which is referred to is only an illusion which disappears when the smoke and mirrors are gone and we find ourselves alone.

Don’t Forget What’s Right – Proverbs 10:9
It is at the point when we become more concerned about our own happiness and identify with it being okay to be self-absorbed that we forget about morals.  We cannot view things in the light of being right or wrong if we are guided by selfishness.  Black and white; good and bad; right and wrong, no longer matter.  But what begins to matter is “as long as you are happy then it’s okay”.  We forget about Godliness or better know as holiness, which in today’s society is a forgotten term.  Yet scripture still commands that we are righteous and keep His commandments in order to be happy.

Genuine Happiness – Jeremiah 29:11
When we forgo what is right in order to be happy for a moment we also forgo genuine happiness.  But what is genuine happiness?  Helen Keller once said, “Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” As Christians this worthy purpose is our relationship with Jesus Christ.  Genuine happiness is living in unity with Christ.  Yet this does not mean we live a life without trials.

If we do not have a relationship with Christ we have no purpose in our life.  When one has no purpose, hopelessness resides.  It is only when our eyes are open to this reality that we are truly happy.  It is only when we are filled with the Holy Spirit that we are happy.

Filling our God Shaped Void – John 6: 35
Without Christ we have a God shaped void, my mentor once said.  Meaning this void cannot be filled with money or success, but can only be filled by God.  Without filling this void we will continue without vial to be happy.  Therefore, it appears that Godliness is the ultimate true happiness.  If we do what is pleasing to Christ then we lead a fulfilled life which eventually leads to an eternal life for those who have this “fidelity to a worthy purpose”.   There can be nothing more satisfying than to know that we will live forever in true bliss without pain, tears, or sadness.

Epilogue
So genuine happiness is coming to the point where we can look beyond our selfishness and realize that it is not all about me in order to live a righteous lifestyle.  But the first and foremost key to the success of achieving happiness is filling our God shaped void; for without we will have truly missed the reason for our existence. Happiness is not in the material but in the spiritual.  Our earthly lives are not to be self-consumed but a mirror reflection of our eternal life of praise to our Heavenly Father.  Happiness is freedom and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.