Caring for the Soul

According to the New International Version of the Bible, Psalms 127:3 states, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.” A child is a precious gift directly from God and therefore should be greatly appreciated, cared for and helped in all ways possible. My philosophy on how to best help a child is as simple as remembering your “ABC’s”: “Admit”, “Believe” and “Care”.

1) Admit: a child is a real person with real problems and needs one on whom to depend.

In experiencing everyday life one needs to admit the reality that is at hand. By this I mean, be aware that we do not live in a make-believe fairytale that can be scripted to our liking. When considering the life of a child, facing reality is crucial. First, one must admit that a child does not have a choice of whether or not to enter the world or to whom or where to be born. Yet the fact remains that the birth of a child is a real occurrence. Be reminded that existence is not the fault of a child and blame of being born should not be placed upon a child. Beyond the fairytale, in the real world, a child will have real problems and these need real solutions. This brings me to my second point of admitting that a child can and will have problems. Never underestimate what a child is going through by considering it insignificant.

To a child, even what may appear to be the smallest dilemma can be disturbing. Third, admit that, wanted or unwanted, pleasant or unpleasant, since a child is a real person with real problems he or she needs to have an individual upon whom to depend; a person to whom problems can be brought. A child needs this stability in order to have a feeling of security. Remember that you can be that special someone who can make a difference in the life of a child simply by being available; physically, as well as emotionally.

2) Believe: in a child and support him or her no matter how many imperfections are present.

When a person has someone to believe in him or her, this provides to that individual what I like to call a “reach the sky” potential. A feeling of self-worth is instilled within those who are believed in and supported. Therefore, it is important to believe in a child, whatever his or her potential may be. Believing must also involve acceptance. One must accept a child as a unique individual who is human. Being human involves imperfections and when evaluating a child we should not expect perfection. When dealing with a child, allow for failure with acceptance. This acceptance of imperfections needs to be followed by approval. Not approval of failing, but approval of the child. Accept the total child with flaws and all. Let the child know that even when failure comes about he or she is still supported and loved. Believe in a child even in the midst of failure. One must believe in a child’s capabilities and support his or her actions and decisions but this should be done with the child’s best interest at heart.

3) Care: for a child with genuine affection.

Finally, to best help a child, show genuine concern and affection. Show a child that you really care. As humans, we are emotional beings and each of us has a need for affection. According to Maslow, affection is the third level in his hierarchy of needs. The first level in Maslow’s hierarchy is physiological needs and the second is the need for safety. Although it is third on the list, I would argue that it is of no lesser value than the need for one’s physiological or safety needs to be met. The need for affection must be satisfied for an individual to feel content with him or herself and eventually in the words of Maslow to become “self-actualized”. It is in my opinion that the need for affection is one of humanities most important needs. It is very important in the early development of a child’s life that affection is given. Without this, development is hindered. If one does not receive affections from others as a child then that individual will not properly know how to give or receive affection. With affection, comes the sense of purpose.

Without affection, the opposite is true, and this will result in the search for belongingness. The manner in which a child can be told that he or she is cared for can be done in many more ways than just words. Words must be followed by actions. Listening, being available, and paying attention to a child are all ways of saying “I care”.

Conclusion:

Ways to best help a child are among the simplest. It is important to take preventative measure that aim to protect a child and allow that child to have the emotional strength to function. If we instill within a child positive investments, which are, found with in the “ABC’s” discussed above, as the child becomes an adult he or she can use these qualities to counterweigh the negative aspects that unfortunately exist.

DATE WRITTEN:  January 28, 2004

The manner in which God works is unexplainable and incomprehensible to the human mind. His ways are not our ways. Yet, ultimately in the midst of what appears to be chaos or random acts, His ways are always immaculately planned and in perfect order. At times we may complain because we fail to understand why certain things happen, nevertheless eventually, we realize that everything occurs for a reason because He is One who all knowingly holds the future in his Hand and has an ultimate Divine plan. When reviewing the past, we recognize that situations have occurred in order to place us at the exact place and time and in the exact mindset in which God intended us to be.

If we were able to glimpse a blueprint of God’s ultimate plan, likely greater confusion than enlightenment would ensue. Our innate human nature would cause us to desire a sense of security regarding our actions before we even initiate them. Logical reasoning would demand that we create a strategic plan. Yet, there are times when we need to forgo plans, models, and traditions and simply allow the Holy Spirit to lead us. When God commands us to move forward we need to do so and be vulnerable to His will without being certain. We need to disregard our human agendas and do what God tells us, go where he leads us and say what he directs us to say; even if this means being unconfident in ourselves. Of course this means that we may not know how to do what he wants, not know how to get where he has directed us and not know how to say what He wants us to say. As His Word promises, He will provide a way where there is no way and will give us the right words to say at the moment He wants us to say them.

Is it not best to be lead by His spirit, not being certain of what will take place and have His will be done than to go by our human agendas, being certain in ourselves and miss the mark. Be assured that God does not need our help and just as His ways are not ours, our ways are not His ways and attempting to force our schemas will only bring chaos to His perfect plan.

DATE WRITTEN: September 14, 2005

Moral development is defined as the development regarding rules and conventions about what people should do in their interactions with other people. Such development involves the development of thoughts, feelings and actions concerning standards or what is right and wrong, which includes an interpersonal and intrapersonal dimension. The intrapersonal dimension accounts for ones actions when they are not engaged socially and the opposite is true for explaining the interpersonal dimension.

The social learning theory suggests that we learn via social experiences. Meaning our behaviors and actions result from what we model from others. Therefore, the social learning theory might explain moral development in children as a result of modeling observed moral behaviors and actions. When a child is provided with models that behave morally, that child is prone to adopt the observed actions.

Social learning theorists believe that moral behavior is influenced by a particular situation and that ones ability to resist temptation is closely correlated with self-control. Therefore, a child must be taught to control impulses, learn to be patient and to delay being gratified. This is best done through role modeling and providing appropriate examples. It is also suggested that when a child is rewarded for acting out a modeled behavior the likelihood of that behavior re-occurring increases. The opposite is also true; when the behavior is punished or not rewarded then the behavior will likely decrease. Therefore, it is crucial to not only provide a child with the appropriate models, but a child must be encourage for acting out moral behaviors in order to understand that such behavior is a good thing.

However, when there is no reward present is when this intrapersonal dimension comes into play. This is when one does moral acts for the sake of doing what is right. It is important to instruct a child at an early age and instill within them this concept of right and wrong in order for one to act morally when it is thought that no one is watching. When no one is watching is when the true sense of morals arises.

DATE WRITTEN:  July 18, 2006